- Iqbal: Officer's Dan and Stan, what can I do for you?
- Officer Dan: We got a call about an indecent sex act being performed here on-stage.
- Iqbal: I assure you officers, I do not allow or have indecent sex acts in my establishment.
- Officer Dan: Then get one!
- Officer stan: We didn't ditch that drug stakeout for nothing.
- Bud Bundy: Mrs. D'Arcy, I thought that as a feminist that you wouldn't like places like this.
- Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Feminism is about protecting a woman's right in the workplace. Now, where that workplace happens to be is none of my concern.
- Bambi: [walks up to Marcy] Hi. Would you like a lap dance?
- Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy: Split, bitch!
- Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy: The bank president is flying in all the way from Japan at my house tonight. Now, once he approves of me, the job is as good as mine. So Al, the reason that I'm here is that I need your help with just one little thing to make tonight's dinner perfect. I need you to leave the neighborhood. You see, I don't want my boss to be repulsed by you or your children, no offence.
- Al Bundy: None taken.
- Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy: So you'll do it.
- Al Bundy: I meant none taken... yet.
- [Al widdles his fingers together symbolizing a bribe]
- Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy: All right, Al. What's your price?
- Al Bundy: One night, all expenses payed, to a Howard Boman's Motor Lodge.
- Bud Bundy: Oh, where Hobo's reside.
- Kelly Bundy: Where every bed is shaped like a boxcar.
- [everyone looks at Kelly oddly]
- Kelly Bundy: [embarrassed] Or, uh... so I hear from my slutty friends who may go there all the time. Not me.
- Al: Marcy, see, it's a man's thing. Unlike you leg-shavers, we men... we men like our things broken in. You know, old things. Old tennis shoes, old filthy jeans, a 30-year-old toothbrush with chunkets of Reggie bar in it...
- [Marcy makes a disgusted face. Bud puts his burger away and looks like he's about to heave]
- Marcy D'Arcy: Mr. Shimokawa, what brings you to the Jiggly Room?
- Mr. Shimokawa: Quote honestly, the jiggly.
- Jefferson D'Arcy: Oh, you collect classic American cars?
- Mr. Shimokawa: No, I collect classic American junk. Yes, I have a Gremlin and a Pacer, an old yellow school bus with no brakes or no seat belts. I have everything except that one.
- Bud Bundy: At least Mrs. Darcy didn't get demoted to drive-up teller this time.
- Kelly Bundy: Yeah, but now she's the ATM beeper.
- Bud Bundy: What's that?
- Kelly Bundy: You know when you punch in your code and it goes 'beep'?
- Bud Bundy: Yeah.
- Kelly Bundy: Yeah, that's her.