Married... with Children (TV Series)

You Better Watch Out (1987)

Katey Sagal: Peggy Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Coroner : Well, that about wraps it up out there. I just have a few routine questions for my report if you don't mind. Did any of you know the diseased?

  Peggy : Well, I read about him in books. But in books, he's usually going up instead of down.

  Coroner : Okay, so that's a "no." Did anyone actually see him fall and hit the ground?

  Bud : I wish.

• Marcy : [after a sky-diving department store Santa splattered all over the Bundys' back yard, while Steve and Marcy were over, the coroners are clearing up outside; inside, Steve is pouring a large drink, while Marcy is babbling, and both are shaking]  Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god...

  [Al, Peg, Kelly and Bud are all eating pizza] 

  Al : Hey Peg, you know what we ought to do tomorrow? We oughta make some Christmas cookies.

  Peggy : Oh yeah, and maybe some eggnog, with nutmeg.

  Bud : Mmm!

  Steve Rhoades : You ghouls! Don't you understand, there's a splattered Santa all over your yard!

  Al : What do you want me to do Steve? Quit eating?

• [at Christmas time the doorbell rings] 

  Peggy : Who could that be?

  Al : Oh, Great. With my luck, probably an elf with a knife in his back.

• Al : Well, they're gone. All dead guys and non-relatives out.

  Bud : So long, Kel.

  Kelly : Yeah, like they really intended to have you.

  Peggy : Now kids, we wanted both of you. It was your father I didn't plan on.

• Marcy : Santa's gone. I'll never be able to enjoy Christmas again.

  Kelly : Well, you're in the right place.

  Peggy : Come on Marcy, these things happen.

  Marcy : WHEN has this ever happened? A guy dressed as Santa Claus goes skydiving, his parachue doesn't open, and he lands right in your back yard?

  Peggy : Cheer up. It could have been worse. He could have landed on the picket fence.

• Peggy : Thank your father, Kids.

  Bud , Kelly : [sourly]  Thanks, Dad.

• Peggy : Al, get rid of those kids.

  Al : If I knew how to do that we wouldn't have ours.

  [Al opens the door and announces to the kids] 

  Al : Okay everybody, boys and girls, and you Tony, Santa's okay. Now he just had a little bit of Mrs. Bundy's cooking and he's in the bathroom bent over, but he's going to be fine, so go home.

  Kid : We wanna see him!

  Al : No!

  [the kids throw snowballs at al] 

• Peggy : OK, he's gone. Now for Daddy's present. Bud, run upstairs and get a tie out of Daddy's closet.

  Kelly : I'll get a box.

  Peggy : Oh, no, no, no, wait. It's Christmas, we should make it special for him - Bud, get one of his shirts too.

  [excitedly] 

  Peggy : Oh gosh, I just love Christmas.

• Al : Aren't you forgetting something, coolest Dad in the world?

  Bud : Best Dad in the universe.

  Peggy : You who makes my life worth living.

  Al : You all want your Christmas presents, don't ya?

  Peggy : [sarcastic]  No, we really love you.

• Al : Peg, I'm ashamed of you.

  Peggy : I know.

  Al : Peg! If you keep shopping at that new mall, we'll be broke and living in a cardboard box under the 'L'!

  Peggy : Not me. I can always divorce you and remarry.

  Bud : And me and Kelly will be living in a foster home.

  Kelly : Let's go shopping. Put Dad in a early grave!

  Al : Uh, family before you go, would you get old Daddy's shotgun and stand close together?

• Peggy : You know what you have to do, Al...

  [Al dresses up as Santa Claus to placate the kids]