Married... with Children (TV Series)

You Gotta Know When to Hold Them: Part 1 (1990)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• [last lines] 

  [Al dials a phone number to his credit card company] 

  Al Bundy : Hello. Al Bundy here. Yes, 'No Tip' Bundy. Now, look, it seems you people made a little mistake. Now, I ordered a pizza and it seems my credit card was... what? No, I did not charge $5,000 in the last 10 minutes.

  [pause] 

  Al Bundy : I see. And just exactly where did my wife spend this alleged five grand? Thank you very much.

  [Al hangs up the phone] 

  Al Bundy : Kids, get a change of clothes and a baseball bat, 'cause we're going to Vegas!

• Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy : God, I hate men!

  Al Bundy : I thought you were man's best friend.

  [Marcy glares angrily at Al] 

  Al Bundy : Oh, that's a dog, not a chicken. Sorry, Marcy.

  Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy : Oh, shut up, you hamhock!

• [Al presses the buttons on his TV remote, but nothing happens] 

  Al Bundy : What the hell's wrong with this remote control?

  Bud Bundy : Well, Dad, I'm no electrician, but I'd say the trouble is the TV's gone.

  [Al becomes shocked as he notices the TV is missing] 

  Kelly Bundy : Oh, and by the way, Dad, so is Mom.

  Al Bundy : Wait a second. Let's not gloss over this TV thing.

• Al Bundy : [on the phone]  Hello, sergeant? This is Al Bundy again. Listen, I'm... really starting to get worried now.

  [starts getting choked up] 

  Al Bundy : I'm sorry. It's getting hard for me to talk. Let me calm down. The description? Okay. 19 inch diagonal, has a maple... maple console, and it's got notches in it from where the... where the kids grew.

  Bud Bundy : Dad, what about Mom?

  Al Bundy : [still on the phone]  Oh, yeah. My wife's missing, too. What? A description? I don't know. Listen, you guys are awful busy. Why don't you find the TV first and then we'll worry about the wife. Yeah. Now, listen, let me know if you hear anything, huh? Goodbye.