- [last lines]
- [Al dials a phone number to his credit card company]
- Al Bundy: Hello. Al Bundy here. Yes, 'No Tip' Bundy. Now, look, it seems you people made a little mistake. Now, I ordered a pizza and it seems my credit card was... what? No, I did not charge $5,000 in the last 10 minutes.
- [pause]
- Al Bundy: I see. And just exactly where did my wife spend this alleged five grand? Thank you very much.
- [Al hangs up the phone]
- Al Bundy: Kids, get a change of clothes and a baseball bat, 'cause we're going to Vegas!
- Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy: God, I hate men!
- Al Bundy: I thought you were man's best friend.
- [Marcy glares angrily at Al]
- Al Bundy: Oh, that's a dog, not a chicken. Sorry, Marcy.
- Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy: Oh, shut up, you hamhock!
- Bud Bundy: What did I do wrong?
- Kelly Bundy: Nothing. Don't you know anything about women?
- Bud Bundy: Well... no.
- Kelly Bundy: Well I do. Her fists were saying no no, but there was yes yes in her eyes.
- Bud Bundy: Really?
- Marcy Rhoades: [to Bud] And if you ever touch me again, I will slap you so hard, even your name will be swollen.
- Kelly Bundy: Oh, big news in the neighborhood. Mr. Rhoades dropped Mrs. Rhoades like an old shoe.
- Bud Bundy: No kidding?
- Kelly Bundy: Yep, he left her to go be a ranger in that park, you know the one where Yogi Bear lives.
- Bud Bundy: Jellystone National Park?
- Kelly Bundy: No, the other one, Yose-might.
- Kelly Bundy: You know, Bud, it's time to step things up. You've got to show her that you're for real. Do something that screams romance. Buy a single rose, hold it between your teeth, and wait for her in her bed. I know, wear your Ghostbusters jammies, but don't tuck them in.
- [Al presses the buttons on his TV remote, but nothing happens]
- Al Bundy: What the hell's wrong with this remote control?
- Bud Bundy: Well, Dad, I'm no electrician, but I'd say the trouble is the TV's gone.
- [Al becomes shocked as he notices the TV is missing]
- Kelly Bundy: Oh, and by the way, Dad, so is Mom.
- Al Bundy: Wait a second. Let's not gloss over this TV thing.
- Al Bundy: [on the phone] Hello, sergeant? This is Al Bundy again. Listen, I'm... really starting to get worried now.
- [starts getting choked up]
- Al Bundy: I'm sorry. It's getting hard for me to talk. Let me calm down. The description? Okay. 19 inch diagonal, has a maple... maple console, and it's got notches in it from where the... where the kids grew.
- Bud Bundy: Dad, what about Mom?
- Al Bundy: [still on the phone] Oh, yeah. My wife's missing, too. What? A description? I don't know. Listen, you guys are awful busy. Why don't you find the TV first and then we'll worry about the wife. Yeah. Now, listen, let me know if you hear anything, huh? Goodbye.
- Kelly Bundy: Hi, Mrs. Rhoades.
- Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy: I guess you heard the news.
- Kelly Bundy: Oh, you mean about how Mr. Rhoades used and left you like you were the handwipe in the men's room at the bus station?