- Sergeant Joe Broadhurst: McCloud, you gotta try to understand the chief.
- Sam McCloud: Why?
- Sergeant Joe Broadhurst: So you can explain him to me.
- Sam McCloud: [wearing a Karate outfit] I look kinda like a Japanese Sandman.
- Police Officer Keach: Marshal McCloud, this is not a pajama party.
- Sam McCloud: Well, you could've fooled me.
- Sam McCloud: You tried using dogs?
- Police Sergeant F.J. Dameron: Yes.
- Sam McCloud: I mean country dogs. City dogs like to sleep at night.
- Sam McCloud: Would you like to have a balloon?
- Police Officer Keach: No thanks.
- Sam McCloud: Well, I'll get you one, just... until you feel like it.
- Sergeant Joe Broadhurst: Chief Clifford sends his man in to check up on your mode of operations and you send yourself to check up on his mode of checking.
- Police Sergeant F.J. Cameron: Shut up and give met that walkie talkie.
- Police Sergeant F.J. Dameron: I'll tell you what to do!
- Sam McCloud: Sergeant, you may not realize it, but three stripes don't outrank a marshal.
- Police Sergeant F.J. Dameron: McCloud, you're gonna hear from me on two counts. One: I'm gonna file an official complaint. And two: I'm gonna attach a recommendation for exceptional service.
- Officer Murdock: Your locker key...
- Sam McCloud: Is this, eh... is this for the ladies locker room?
- Officer Murdock: No, no, it's, eh, to the janitor's closet.
- Sam McCloud: Well, you can't win 'em all, can you?
- Sam McCloud: It's a good thing you didn't show up dressed like a girl, 'cause I couldn't have stood it. I would've violated departmental code of ethics just helping you into the taxi cab.
- Police Officer Keach: Aw, shucks.
- Sam McCloud: There you go.
- [chuckles]
- Sam McCloud: She could be in danger.
- Chief Peter Clifford: That's what's she's paid for, McCloud.
- Sam McCloud: From herself. She's not in a good frame of mind.
- Chief Peter Clifford: You know, you weren't assigned to Auxiliary Six as group therapist, you're there to learn.