Vic Morrow: Joey Diamond

Quotes 

• Michael Anthony : [Diamond answers a knock at his door]  Mr. Joseph F. Diamond?

  Joey Diamond : Who are you? The new cop on the beat?

  [Diamond slams the door in Anthony's face] 

  Michael Anthony : [Anthony opens the door and walks in]  I'm not a policeman, but if you're Joe Diamond, I'd like to talk to you.

  Joey Diamond : I'm Joey Diamond, but if you're a bookie, me and my brother are not responsible for any bets my father makes.

  Michael Anthony : My name is Michael Anthony, and I doubt that your father will ever need to make another bet,

  [opens his briefcase and removes a bankbook] 

  Michael Anthony : because you have just come into a sure thing, Joe -

  [Anthony gives the bankbook to Diamond] 

  Michael Anthony : one million dollars.

  Joey Diamond : What is this? Who opened the door and let you out?

  Michael Anthony : The booklet you have is a notification that $1,000,000, tax-free, has been placed in trust for you until you become 21 years of age.

  [Anthony withdraws a stack of bills from his briefcase and gives it to Diamond] 

  Michael Anthony : And this is a draw of one thousand on your yearly allowance of $20,000.

  Joey Diamond : [Counts]  That's a thousand dollars.

  Michael Anthony : That and the remainder are yours, as soon as you sign this pledge, which states that under penalty of forfeiture, you will never reveal to anyone, except your wife at such time as you marry, how much money you received or where you got it.

  Joey Diamond : This is on the level?

  Michael Anthony : That's right.

  Joey Diamond : I sign it?

  Michael Anthony : Just sign it.

  [Diamond signs the agreement, which Anthony retains] 

  Michael Anthony : Thank you. How does it feel to be a millionaire?

  Joey Diamond : [laughs]  I don't know.

  [motions to a small corner of the room] 

  Joey Diamond : See this room here? This is... this is... this is where I sleep. I've always wanted to have four walls and a... a soft bed.

  [Indicating teenage boys clothing] 

  Joey Diamond : And these clothes, they... they belonged to my brother. They don't even fit me. My watch, where... my watch

  [picks up a wristwatch from a table] 

  Joey Diamond : You see this watch? My father gave me this watch. It doesn't keep time. Well, I'm gonna get one... I'm gonna get one made of diamonds. How does it feel?

  [Diamond flings the watch out a window, breaking the glass] 

  Joey Diamond : I'll tell you how it feels, Mister. I... I... I feel like a giant, because you solved all of my problems.

  Michael Anthony : [Soberly]  Or may be giving you some new ones.

  [Anthony departs]