- [Mister Ed is on a military runaway wearing oversized goggles, a flight helmet, and a parachute]
- Mister Ed: My first solo. My four legs are shaking like they were the two Wright brothers.
- [Mister Ed flies his plane over the airport and over a residential neighborhood]
- Mister Ed: Hey, look out down there. Crazy horse flying. Run for your lives! Women and children first! Unfasen your seat belts! No smoking! Keep off the grass... wait, what am I talking about?
- Winnie Kirkwood: The Air Force thought my husband was smarter then yours. That's why they made Wilbur a lieutenant and the Colonel... well a colonel.
- Carol Post: I don't want to say that Gordon's career was helped, but I understand your father was a three-star general.
- Winnie Kirkwood: So what? My husband came right up through the ranks.
- Wilbur Post: From private to colonel in only three months?
- Gordon Kirkwood: It was four months.
- Wilbur Post: Gordon, why are we fighting? This whole thing as been a misunderstanding.
- Gordon Kirkwood: Well, you still haven't told me what happened at that examination as to why you were declared mentaly incopetent.
- Wilbur Post: All right... I'll level with you. I had some old wigs and prop hats left over from a masqurade party. What happened was Ed somehow put them on...
- Gordon Kirkwood: [interupting] I knew it! That horse again. Wilbur, if I told you this I've told you a hundred times, that horse of yours is a trouble maker! He has caused you and all of us enough trouble around here. I'm warning you... sell that old plug or forget me as a friend!
- Wilbur Post: Gordon, please! Don't ask me to sell Ed. Would I ask you to get rid of Winnie?
- Gordon Kirkwood: [behildered] Huh?
- Carol Post: What Wilbur is trying to say is that his horse is just as important as his wife.
- [to Wilbur]
- Carol Post: Is that what you're trying to say?
- Wilbur Post: Yes. I mean... no! I... uh...
- [Carol angrily exits]
- Gordon Kirkwood: Come on, Winnie. Let's get out of here. Maybe I can find someone else to buy and fly that plane with me and not this loony bird who's so attached to his dumb horse!
- Winnie Kirkwood: [to Wilbur] A horse may be a man's best friend. But remember, a wife is a relative.
- Mister Ed: [in an airborne cargo plane] Geez, it's been 45 minutes and I'm still over the airport. I wonder if I'm supposed to pull up an anchor or something.
- [Mister Ed flips some switches with his nose and then pushes the wheel of the plane forward which immediately goes into a nose-dive towards the ground]
- Mister Ed: Uh-oh. I got a feeling I shouldn't have done that. Hey... look out. Look out down there! I'd swap this thing for a boat right now! I'll never make South America this way. China maybe.