Monarch of the Glen (TV Series)

Episode #1.8 (2000)

Alastair Mackenzie: Archie MacDonald

Quotes 

• Katrina : When you get back I want to talk to you about your responsibilities as a landlord. I've just been to see some of your properties and they're in a terrible state.

  Archie MacDonald : Great! Another conversation to look forward to.

• [first lines] 

  Hector : Come on. I'm only obeying orders.

  Archie : Not right now, Father, please.

  Hector : In your very interesting lecture, 'Glenbogle: the business', you said, and I quote, good communications is at the heart of every thriving enterprise. So...

  Archie : When I get back, OK?

  Hector : There's a spot of damp in the wine cellar. Thought it imperative you be informed without delay. Thank you very much.

• Archie : You know what they say: Asking a voter what he thinks about politicians is a bit like asking lampposts what they think about dogs.

• [last lines] 

  Archie : I suppose in a way the other way would have been easier. The decision was made for me: burn my boats in London and settle here. But now I have to decide for myself. What to do about me and Justine. What to do about me and you.

  Katrina : Oh. Is there such a thing as me and you?

  [they look at each other for a moment then lean in to kiss before starting at the sound of a braking car] 

  Archie : Justine!

  Justine : [comes over]  I had to come. I felt so desolate. I can't lose you, Archie. Maybe I can change. Maybe I can come and live here, with you. Make our lives here. What do you think?

• Archie MacDonald : Archie, listen, you still haven't resolved this business about your tenants. Mrs. MacLean's kitchen's in an awful state.

  Katrina : Can I just say...

  Archie MacDonald : She's got a damp patch the size of the North Sea.

  Katrina : A damp patch? I'll show you a damp patch.

  [drags her off] 

  Archie MacDonald : Archie!

  [stops when they turn a corner and view the flooded cellar] 

  Archie MacDonald : Archie, this is terrible. What are you going to do?

  Katrina : I dunno. Throw myself into it?

• Archie MacDonald : I hope I'll always have your support, maybe even your respect, despite my status as resident futile relic and pet punchbag.

• Lexie : [he shakes pepper on his pork]  It *is* seasoned, Hector.

  Molly MacDonald : Archie, perhaps you'd tell your father that it is an insult to the cook to fling condiments on a carefully-prepared dish like that?

  Hector : Archie, would you tell your mother to mind her own business, and keep her elegant nose out of my dinner?

  [sneezes] 

  Fleming : I had a brainwave. You know that notion of selling the village, Archie?

  Archie MacDonald : Oh, yeah.

  Fleming : I thought of someone who might give you a good price.

  Hector : What do you mean, "sell the village"?

  Fleming : Another client of the bank. A rather good client, actually.

  Hector : who?

  Fleming : Your friend and neighbor Killwillie.

  Hector : Killwillie?

  Fleming : He said that that land once belonged to *his* family, Mr. MacDonald, until yours stole it with considerable bodily harm in 1588. He wants it back and is happy to pay bigtime for it.

  Hector : Over my dead body!

  Lexie : [setting down wine]  That can easily be arranged.

  Hector : Now look h...

  [sneezes again] 

  Molly MacDonald : Mr. Fleming, that sounds an excellent idea.

  [Hector flings down his napkin and gets up to storm off] 

  Molly MacDonald : Where are you going?

  Hector : The stench of betrayal, has ruined my appetite.

  [sneezes]