- [Monk is dehydrated]
- Adrian Monk: He was a thirsty victim...
- Sharona Fleming: Adrian.
- Adrian Monk: I mean a perfect victim...
- Lt. Plato: You are a brave man, Senior Monk, you are not sweating at all.
- Adrian Monk: [rapidly] I'm dehydrated! I'm out of sweat! I want to sweat! I'm trying to sweat!
- Adrian Monk: Mexico. I can't - I can't go to Mexico.
- Capt. Stottlemeyer: Why not?
- Adrian Monk: It's not... *here*.
- [Stottlemeyer and Disher have been told that Monk is dead]
- Capt. Stottlemeyer: In a way, given what he had to deal with, he was the bravest man I've ever known. I measured everything I did against him. He was my yardstick. I never told him that.
- Lt. Randall Disher: I'm sure he knew, sir.
- Capt. Stottlemeyer: [laughs] I'm sure he did. The son of a bitch knew everything. I want a full-dress funeral. I want the governor there. I want the entire department there with black armbands and white gloves.
- Lt. Randall Disher: Sir, Monk wasn't on active duty. We can't go full dress.
- Capt. Stottlemeyer: Adrian Monk is to be buried with honors or I quit! I'm gonna tell you something, Randy, and I'm not ashamed to admit this: I loved that man.
- [phone rings and Stottlemeyer answers]
- Capt. Stottlemeyer: This is Stottlemeyer. Yes.
- [he is told that Monk is not dead]
- Capt. Stottlemeyer: I understand.
- [puts down the phone]
- Capt. Stottlemeyer: [to Randy] I hate that man. *I hate that man!*
- [He's realized he'll now have to cancel all his funeral plans]
- Customs Agent Gomez: And these are?
- Adrian Monk: Moist towelettes.
- Customs Agent Gomez: Why so many?
- Adrian Monk: In case I happen to... you know... meet people.
- Customs Agent Gomez: Señor, I think you have a very poor image of our country.
- Sharona Fleming: Oh, no no no. It's not just you. He thinks everybody is dirty.
- Customs Agent Gomez: You must be a very lonely man, señor.
- Adrian Monk: I am. Thank you.