- Adrian Monk: [on the phone with Sharona, talking about Kevin] He's in the kitchen right now, naming every egg salad sandwich he's ever had... Eight, including today... It's - it's not funny... Stop. Stop laughing... Look, Sharona, I - I don't know why you asked him to look in on me, I - I'm not a child! Please stop laughing!... Okay, I'll call you back. Give her my best!... Okay. And when you come back... bring a gun.
- Kevin Dorfman: [Monk opens an unlocked door of a suspect's house] It looks unlocked. What do you think?
- Adrian Monk: Well, we can't go in without a reason.
- Kevin Dorfman: I'm kind of thirsty. Does that count?
- Adrian Monk: No, Kevin. Thirst is no excuse for breaking and entering.
- Kevin Dorfman: Wouldn't it be cool if it was?