- Lily Munster: Who were you calling?
- Herman Munster: Oh, I was just trying to make an appointment at that new barbershop.
- Lily Munster: What's wrong with your old barber?
- Herman Munster: Oh Lily, he always made me very nervous, dear, the way he'd always blindfold himself before he'd give me a shave.
- Lily Munster: Are you sure that silly sleeping pill of yours will wake him up at ten tonight?
- Grandpa: Hm. Sure I'm sure! I'll bet one of my lives on it.
- Thatcher: Miss, this is our curator, Dr. Wilkerson...
- Lily Munster: How do you do? I was just admiring your museum. You have such lovely dead things on exhibit.
- Dr. Wilkerson: What do you think, Thatcher?
- Thatcher: Well sir, when the visitors start looking weirder than the exhibits, I think it's time to get out of the museum business.
- Eddie Munster: It's real neat having you back, pop. While you were gone I had to mess up my homework by myself!
- Lily Munster: Oh Grandpa! Why can't you experiment on white mice like any other normal mad scientist?
- Herman Munster: We shouldn't be too hasty to retaliate when someone treats us ill. In other words, one who fights fire with fire, only gets in trouble with Smokey the Bear.