The Muppet Show (TV Series)

Peter Ustinov (1976)

Jim Henson: Kermit the Frog, Waldorf, The Newsman, Boston Pops Conductor, Rowlf

Quotes 

• Fozzie Bear : [to Kermit about Ustinov]  I was wrong. How can you compare yourself to... HIM?

  Kermit the Frog : Easy, he puts on his pants just like me... one leg at a time.

  Fozzie Bear : You don't wear any pants!

  Kermit the Frog : Okay, let's see HIM get away with that on television!

• Waldorf : Well, they did improve the level of television entertainment.

  Statler : Well, they had no place to go but up.

• The Newsman : Copenhagen, Denmark. Dr. Felix Ogelbaum says that after thirty years' concentrated research, he has discovered the cure for the common cold. Our Muppet cameras are on the scene, and we'll speak with Dr. Ogelbaum about this great medical breakthrough.

  [a screen turns on, displaying Peter Ustinov as Dr. Ogelbaum] 

  The Newsman : Dr. Ogelbaum?

  Dr. Felix Ogelbaum : Yeah? Yeah, I am Felix Ogelbaum in Copenhagen, Denmark.

  The Newsman : Yes, Dr. Ogelbaum, can you tell us about this cure?

  Dr. Felix Ogelbaum : Yeah, of course. It was right under our noses. Do you believe that? I am so excited. First, you stay away from sick people. That's very important. Then you wrap your head in a number-ten-size brown paper bag. Then you pour honey over yourself, and you hold your breath for about an hour or so.

  The Newsman : And this will cure the common cold?

  Dr. Felix Ogelbaum : Positively.

  [suddenly sneezes] 

  Dr. Felix Ogelbaum : And then again, maybe not...

  The Newsman : Yes, well, thank you very much, Dr. Ogelbaum. Remember, friends, whenever big news breaks, you certainly won't hear it here.