- Peter Sellers: There is no me. I do not exist. There was a me once, but I had it surgically removed.
- [Sellers is standing in his dressing room, alone, wearing pantaloons, a corset, boxing gloves, and a viking helmet with horns and braids while practicing a monologue]
- Peter Sellers: Tell John Brown, we are ready to receive him...
- [Kermit enters]
- Kermit: Peter, uh, what is this?
- Peter Sellers: It was to have been, my dear Kermit, it was to have been a grand impersonation of her late Majesty, Queen Victoria, whilst on vacation at Bognor Regis, in the year 1888.
- Kermit: But, but, uh, what went wrong?
- Peter Sellers: I couldn't remember what she looked like.
- Fozzie Bear: Kermit! Kermit! Oh no, the next act just cancelled!
- Kermit: What? But that was a terrific act! Prunella and her Prancing Poultry.
- Kermit: Yeah, I know, yeah, Kermit, about that poultry, you see, yesterday...
- [removes his hat]
- Kermit: ... duck-hunting season began
- [Peter Sellers is dressed up as a gypsy]
- Peter Sellers: It is I, Boris with the sobbing violin. Are there any requests?
- Other Gypsy: Yes - but you're gonna play anyway!
- Kermit: [suddenly runs in] Aha! So THAT'S what's been going on around here all night! You've been zapping people in and out of my theatre ...
- Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Mr. Kermit, please, I'm in the middle of a scientific demonstration...
- Kermit: Yeah, well, I'm in the middle of a nervous breakdown!