Mystery Science Theater 3000 (TV Series)

First Spaceship on Venus (1990)

Kevin Murphy: Tom Servo

Quotes 

• Tom Servo : I've asked Joel if he'd raise the level on my sarcasm sequencer.

  Joel : [using screwdriver on back of Tom's dome]  That ought to do it.

  Tom Servo : Oh, yes. Oh, while you're at it, why don't you keep digging into my back? A warm, relaxing massage with a screwdriver? Oooooooh, sign me up for that!

  Crow : I think it's working.

  Tom Servo : The great Crow speaks? Oooooooh, let me anoint your beak with scented oils. Membership in the Crow Fan Club? Oh, it's dream come true for me. Ooooh...

  Magic Voice : Commercial sign in fifteen seconds.

  Tom Servo : Commercials? Oh boy, I can't wait. Thirty-second materialistic sound bites that insult our intelligence? Ooooooh, give me more of those!

  Joel : Uh, I'm gonna have to adjust Tom's sarcasm sequencer. We'll be back after that.

  Magic Voice : Commercial sign in 5... 4... 3... 2... commercial sign now.

  Tom Servo : Oh, is the great Joel Robinson going to honor me with his attention? A blessing in disguise? I don't think so! Oh, did a little harder, Joel, I can't feel the pain yet.

  Crow : You've got him uh, set on uh, constant sarcasm, and you're gonna want to have him on random. Pretty much, I think.

  Joel : Uh, duh, no kidding. Yeah, I put him on random sarcasm, so he'll only be sarcastic at the appropriate time. Like uh, when someone mentions, uh, like, uh, Pia Zadora?

  Tom Servo : Well, actually, I think making fun of her has become a clichÈ. Everybody does it. And you know, in her favor, she was in a John Waters film, you guys.

  Joel : Okay, well, what about... ummm... Dan Quayle?

  Tom Servo : Oh, look, Dan Quayle scares me as much as the next guy, but everybody and their sister has come up with a sarcastic Dan Quayle quip. It's just too easy.

  Joel : I'm not even gonna mention Gallagher, then.

  Tom Servo : Ooooooooooooh, he is my absolute all-time favorite! Oh, paying money to have watermelon sprayed all over you? Oh, give me more of that. Oversized props mixed with undersized talent? Oooooh, put me in the front row. Excuse me, Mr. Shopkeeper? Can I trade in my volume of Annotated Shakespeare for a tape of "Melon Crazy"? Oh, please, may I? Ooooooooooooooooh!

• Joel , Tom Servo , Crow T. Robot : We are scientists! Get out of our way!

• Tom Servo : You know, Holiday season is the perfect time to enjoy Klack's Industrial Saladoos-based snacks and snippets, any time of the day or year. Start the morning with a technicolor yawn by serving up piles of flabby Klack leather pancakes dotted with dicey cocoa stumps. Kids can't resist the texture of Klack's creamy clotted palm spread, squeezed out on horsey biscuits. And don't forget the Sir Cheddar Snack-a-lots, and top them with jimmy hats for a western roundup, and safe snacking. And Moms, don't forget to serve the clabber club platters of salamander fingerwiches, creamy crust puppies, and hey - try a load of taco mincemeat relish parfait, served up in a tulip glass for that touch of elegance. Uncle Bob's just out of the insitution! Celebrate with skin mittens brightened up with gamey forcemeat stuffing, and don't forget those Polynesian cheese devils! Then, pinch off some Klack hanger-crafted cobra coils to compliment a Bastille Day buffet. And lube up those cooter cakes with that incredibly edible, spreadable phlegm! Watch kitty's galvanic skin response shoot through the ceiling by wrapping him in Klack wrap and making her a festive centerpiece. At lunchtime, light your hand on fire and plunge it into the traditional gut loaf whistle pie. Just like Grandpa used to do before they took him away! And finally, dress your holiday table in style with a gold-roasted mutant hell-beast, stuffed with flesh button dressing, made fresh with Klack Saladoos, cooter croutons, and grandmother's earlobes. Always the best! Accent with creamy crust puppies, velvety chode balls, and, of course - a mug of holiday swill. Remember, if you're incapable of showing emotion but know how to cook - Klack has a snack idea for you.