- Dan Breen: Remember: G.R.I.P. Growth. Resolution. Intention. Purpose.
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: [mutters] Yeah. Grip this.
- Tahir Sewell: Boosting that CD player was a mistake, but I only did that because I moved into a new place.
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: Gave yourself a housewarming present.
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: We don't want to see you dirty on this camera, Tahir. You understand? All we want on that camera is if you get robbed.
- Tahir Sewell: Could you see into the crapper?
- Det. John Kelly: No. No camera in the crapper.
- Tahir Sewell: So, anything self-incriminating, that'd be the place to do it.
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: Why don't you just use your head and keep your mouth shut.
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: I'm telling you, John, you should have done with that ledger what Nixon should have done with the tapes.
- [after Andy and John arrested a pair of night tour cops for robbing a dealer's apartment]
- Off. Frank Quint: Who'd we hurt? Nothing but scums and drug dealers.
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: Do me a favor: don't whine.
- James Sinclair Esq.: The truth and a trial have about as much to do together as a hot dog and a warm puppy.
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: I'd like to ask you out to dinner.
- A.D.A. Sylvia Costas: Tonight?
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: I've got to work with John. How about tomorrow night?
- A.D.A. Sylvia Costas: I'd like that.
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: Good.
- A.D.A. Sylvia Costas: I miss watching you mop your head when you eat.
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, I still do that.
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: Did Abrams come after you?
- Det. John Kelly: Yeah, big time. Made it look like Licalsi confessed because I found out.
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: I hate that fat prick with his wimpy beard.
- [Andy comes out of the bedroom with a balance scale]
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: You're not dealing, huh, Ramos? So these are the scales of justice? They say you're a lying turd.
- [Andy steps on the scale and smashes it]
- Ramos: I'm asking you guys to leave, OK?
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: First we've got to counsel you how to handle a robbery attempt should it happen again. We've found the best way an asshole like you should respond is to seize up the barrel of the intruder's gun in your mouth. You try to jerk it from his possession. If it goes off in your throat, we'll arrest the guy, and there's justice all around. You keep that in mind if you get another scale, you jerk.