The Nanny (TV Series)

Christmas Episode (1993)

Daniel Davis: Niles

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Grace, Brighton, Maggie and Niles are sitting in a row on a pew in a church, where they have to speak in hushed voices due to the solemnity of their surroundings] 

  Grace Sheffield : [to Brighton]  Where's Fran going?

  Brighton Sheffield : [to Maggie]  Grace wants to know where Fran's gone.

  Margaret 'Maggie' Sheffield : [to Niles]  What's with Fran?

  Niles : [to Maggie]  She's gone to confess.

  Margaret 'Maggie' Sheffield : [to Brighton with a confused look on her face]  She went to play chess.

  Brighton Sheffield : [to Grace]  She went to undress.

  [Grace is totally confused] 

• Fran Fine : [back from ice skating]  Kids, take your wet clothes off and put them in the hamper.

  Niles : No wet clothes for you, Miss Fine?

  Fran Fine : I didn't fall.

  Grace Sheffield : She didn't skate.

  Niles : [Glances to Fran, smiling]  And yet such a lovely ensemble.

  Fran Fine : Oh, you should see what I wear when I don't play tennis.

• Fran Fine : [opens Maggie's homemade present which is a big material sunflower]  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

  Margaret 'Maggie' Sheffield : It's a pajama holder.

  Fran Fine : Ahhhh! And I don't already have one.

  Niles : Because you don't wear pajamas.

  Fran Fine : You have just dusted your last keyhole, mister.

• Fran Fine : Niles, you old Scrooge. Get into the Christmas spirit.

  Niles : Spoken by one who doesn't have to clean it all up.

  Fran Fine : Oh, that's the thing about Hanukkah: eight candles and a Menorah. No fuss, no muss.

  Niles : Is it too late to convert?

  Fran Fine : Never! We'll get you a Bar Mitzvah and of course a circumcision.

  Niles : Suddenly I'm filled with the Christmas spirit.

• Fran Fine : One year we begged my mother for a Christmas tree. She called it a Hanukkah bush. P. S. , the candles from the menorah set the flocking on fire and the fumes put my father into the emergency room.

  Niles : A variation on the burning bush classic.

  Fran Fine : My mother took the whole thing as a sign from God, and from there on in, we spend every Christmas at the Fountainbleu in Miami Beach.

  [pause] 

  Fran Fine : To this day I can't get a whiff of Ban d' Solei without having a yen for eggnog.

• Fran Fine : Oh, cranberries on a string! How beautiful. I wonder who thought of this tradition...

  Niles : Probably Ocean Spray.

  [Both laugh] 

• Fran Fine : [about Maxwell wanting to celebrate Christmas one day earlier]  He's moving Christmas? You can do that?

  Niles : They do it for Washington's birthday.

  Fran Fine : Well, I never got that either. I mean, you go to all that trouble fathering a nation and before you know it, you're sharing the third Monday in February with Lincoln and a white sale.

• Fran Fine : So the nanny gets a bonus, too?

  [Niles nods] 

  Fran Fine : Oh, that's good news, because you know, I really wanted to buy each of the kids something fabulous. But have you seen the cost of fabulous nowadays?

  Niles : Please. I can't even afford wonderful. Fortunately, Mister Sheffield is very generous.

  Fran Fine : Well, if he thinks that writing a check is gonna make up for his not being here...

  Niles : Four figures, Miss Fine.

  Fran Fine : Oh, well, glory to the newborn king!

• Fran Fine : I gotta go talk to Mister Sheffield.

  Niles : Well, I hope you're not going to upset him. He's writing out the staff Christmas bonuses.

  Fran Fine : Oh, how do you know?

  Niles : Well, did you think the keyholes polish themselves?

• Niles : [Fran's bought many gift for Maggie, Brighton and Grace]  What did you do? Win the lottery?

  Fran Fine : I wish. More like rubber checks.

  [Niles gives her a disapproving look] 

  Fran Fine : Don't worry, I'm not gonna let them bounce. Tomorrow I'll get my Christmas bonus. Saturday and Sunday the banks are closed. Monday I'll make an instant deposit, and I've done my share to stimulate the economy.

  Niles : Don't you have a credit card?

  Fran Fine : Not since my little run in with Edward Scissorhands at Macy's.

• Fran Fine , Maxwell Sheffield , C.C. Babcock , Niles , Maggie Sheffield , Brighton Sheffield , Grace Sheffield : [singing all together]  And a partridge in a pear tree!

  Fran Fine : Oh, that's a weird song. I mean, five golden rings I can understand. Ten lords a leaping, I am there. But what's with all the birds? I mean, French hens, turtle doves, six geese a laying. Who wants to see that?

• Maxwell Sheffield : [Preparing to leave]  Niles, did you remember my attache?

  Niles : Yes, sir.

  Maxwell Sheffield : And my carry on?

  Niles : Always, sir.

  Maxwell Sheffield : Well, it seems we have everything.

  C.C. Babcock : [Entering the room]  Maxwell?

  Niles : Oops, I guess I did forget one old bag.