- Maxwell Sheffield: They think you're an unfit mother.
- Fran Sheffield: Unfit?! I'm in the best shape of my life.
- Fran Sheffield: [after Sarah's parents catch Fran flashing Maxwell] Oh I am SO embarrassed!, but you know, she looked shocked but he gleamed at me a little.
- Maxwell Sheffield: Well I think I smoothed things over with them when I told them that my naked nanny in the living room was now my naked wife.
- Fran Sheffield: Oy, I just hope she didn't hurt her head when she fainted.
- Fran Sheffield: Ma, I'm having a crisis, why don't you have anything sweet in the house?
- Sylvia Fine: I threw it all out. According to my weight chart, I should be 7 foot 1.
- Val Toriello: Why don't you try to solve your problems the way normal people do? Without food.
- Fran Sheffield: [looks at Sylvia] You wanna try it?
- Niles: What have you cooked?
- Fran Sheffield: [picks up an almost empty pitcher] Juice. Plus I managed to save three muffins that didn't burn.
- Niles: What about these with the icing on them?
- Fran Sheffield: Oh don't touch those, that's fire extinguisher foam.
- Sylvia Fine: His in-laws have money, when you have that much, you can find out anything about anybody.
- Fran Sheffield: Oh my God, what could they find out about me, Val? I did a lot of stupid things, does that mean I remember them all?
- Val Toriello: Well you did spend a night in jail, but they let you go once you proved it was just powdered sugar on your nostril.
- Fran Sheffield: Oh yeah.
- Val Toriello: And in high school you spent a lot of time in the principal's office, does that really mean you're responsible for his divorce?
- Fran Sheffield: That's enough, Val.
- Val Toriello: And remember the time you went to Alcapulco?
- Sylvia Fine: When were you in Alcapulco?
- Fran Sheffield: She means the restaurant, remember Ma, you sold the dip?
- Sylvia Fine: Oh yeah.
- Fran Sheffield: [about Sara's parents] I just want everything to be so right. I mean, while they're here, I just want to come across as the perfect wife and mother.
- Maxwell Sheffield: And after they're gone?