- Alicia Machado: Hi, I'm Alicia Machado
- Fran Fine: The one from Who's The Boss?
- Alicia Machado: Oh, no. That's Alyssa Milano
- [Niles is going to be best man at his friend's wedding]
- Chastity Claire 'C.C.' Babcock: Oh, poor Niles. Always a best man, never a man.
- Fran Fine: Where are all the Kleenex? Wasn't this a full box?
- Grace Sheffield: [enters the kitchen with an obviously stuffed bra] Good morning everyone. Fran, where are the double stuffed Oreos?
- Fran Fine: [Brighton starts to speak] Shut up, Brighton.
- Maxwell Sheffield: Miss Fine, I haven't noticed Grace's new figure since we left Disney World, what happened?
- Fran Fine: Space Mountain. Those things are now in another galaxy far far away.
- Sylvia Fine: [talking to Fran about wall decor] Could you not vomit looking at this?
- Yetta Rosenberg: [sarcastically] Oh and this is hip!
- Sylvia Fine: At least it's more appetizing!
- Yetta Rosenberg: [sarcastically] Yeah, you need more appetite!
- Fran Fine: [about Sylvia] Why is she the one that always gives me that warm, fuzzy feeling?
- Val Toriello: 'Cause she don't wax her chin.