NCIS (TV Series)
Caught on Tape (2005)
David McCallum: Donald Mallard
Photos
Quotes
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[McGee's hands and face are covered with poison ivy]
Special Agent Timothy McGee : What I don't understand is how it got all over my face.
Dr. Donald Mallard : It's the urushiol oil in the plant, McGee. Once it gets on your hands, it spreads to anything it comes in contact with.
Special Agent Timothy McGee : Well... then I have a major problem, Ducky.
Dr. Donald Mallard : Hmm?
Special Agent Timothy McGee : When I was out there, I had to... you know...
Dr. Donald Mallard : No, I don't.
Special Agent Timothy McGee : Relieve myself.
Dr. Donald Mallard : Oh.
[realizing]
Dr. Donald Mallard : Oh... well, uh, let's take a look, then.
Special Agent Timothy McGee : [unbuckles his pants] This is, uh, this is kind of embarrassing...
Dr. Donald Mallard : I'm a doctor, McGee. I have seen everything there is to see more times than I care to remember.
[McGee drops his pants]
Dr. Donald Mallard : Good lord.
Special Agent Timothy McGee : What? What, is it bad?
Dr. Donald Mallard : No, no, it's fine. Nothing to worry about. I didn't expect to see quite so much... swelling.
Special Agent Timothy McGee : If Tony finds out about this, I'm gonna have to quit.
Dr. Donald Mallard : Well, your secret is safe with me.
[Jimmy enters]
Jimmy Palmer : Doctor, I've got the new evaluation forms you req...
[He trails off as he takes in the scene]
Jimmy Palmer : I'll come back.
[Jimmy leaves]
Dr. Donald Mallard : Him I'm not so sure about.
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Jimmy Palmer : What I don't understand is all this flesh trauma.
Dr. Donald Mallard : Coyotes, Mr. Palmer. If, as I suspect...
[He looks under the sheet]
Dr. Donald Mallard : Ah, yes. The abdominal cavity has been chewed open. The liver and kidneys are a rich source of nutrients for these creatures.
Jimmy Palmer : Well, that's, uh... gross, Doctor.
Dr. Donald Mallard : Well, we lucked out, actually, Mr. Palmer. In several cases, coyotes chew off the head and carry it away with them, to prevent it being grabbed by other predators. Yeah, my coroner friend in Los Angeles says that, "coyotes take it to go."
[beat]
Dr. Donald Mallard : They're very strange in Los Angeles.