- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: At least I don't hang out with married people, Kate.
- Agent Caitlin Todd: [to Abby] Will you please tell him that men and women can just be friends?
- Abby Sciuto: Absolutely they can.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Without having sex?
- Abby Sciuto: Oh no, they'll have sex.
- Agent Caitlin Todd: Abby!
- Abby Sciuto: What, Kate, you never slept with a friend?
- Agent Caitlin Todd: [upset] What is wrong with you people?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [entering] Good question, Kate.
- Agent Caitlin Todd: [about Runion's dog] What are we going to do with this thing?
- [off Gibbs's look]
- Agent Caitlin Todd: No... no way, Gibbs.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I'll take her! I always wanted a dog.
- [the dog barks and growls at him]
- Agent Caitlin Todd: [laughing] Oh, good dog! I think I'll call you Tony.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It's a bitch, Kate.
- Agent Caitlin Todd: I know.
- [McGee's hands and face are covered with poison ivy]
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: What I don't understand is how it got all over my face.
- Dr. Donald Mallard: It's the urushiol oil in the plant, McGee. Once it gets on your hands, it spreads to anything it comes in contact with.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Well... then I have a major problem, Ducky.
- Dr. Donald Mallard: Hmm?
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: When I was out there, I had to... you know...
- Dr. Donald Mallard: No, I don't.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Relieve myself.
- Dr. Donald Mallard: Oh.
- [realizing]
- Dr. Donald Mallard: Oh... well, uh, let's take a look, then.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: [unbuckles his pants] This is, uh, this is kind of embarrassing...
- Dr. Donald Mallard: I'm a doctor, McGee. I have seen everything there is to see more times than I care to remember.
- [McGee drops his pants]
- Dr. Donald Mallard: Good lord.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: What? What, is it bad?
- Dr. Donald Mallard: No, no, it's fine. Nothing to worry about. I didn't expect to see quite so much... swelling.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: If Tony finds out about this, I'm gonna have to quit.
- Dr. Donald Mallard: Well, your secret is safe with me.
- [Jimmy enters]
- Jimmy Palmer: Doctor, I've got the new evaluation forms you req...
- [He trails off as he takes in the scene]
- Jimmy Palmer: I'll come back.
- [Jimmy leaves]
- Dr. Donald Mallard: Him I'm not so sure about.
- [Gibbs sneaks up behind a hiding suspect]
- David Runion: How... how'd you...?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Sneak up on you like that?
- David Runion: Yeah.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Used to do it for a living. Back then you'd be dead, instead of under arrest. Any other questions?
- David Runion: Uh-uh.
- Agent Caitlin Todd: Sergeant William Moore, transferred from Camp Lejune to Quantico two months ago. He was serving as an EI for all newly commissioned Marine officers.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: EI?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: "Enlisted Instructor", probie.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Uh, what did he teach, Kate?
- Agent Caitlin Todd: Well, according to his records, uh, MOUT.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: MOUT stands for military operations
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: [interrupting] Yes, I know what it stands for, Tony.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well excuse me for trying to help junior agents.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Trust me, when I, uh, need help, you'll be the first person I ask. Where Gibbs or Kate is.
- [McGee has a livid rash covering half his face]
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: So... honestly, how do I look?
- Abby Sciuto: Um, do you want the truth, or do you want me to lie to you to ease the burden of your own self-loathing?
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: I'd prefer the lie.
- Abby Sciuto: Me, too. You're the fairest in the land, McGee.
- Agent Caitlin Todd: [after Tony sneaks up on her] Could you stop doing that?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I'm practicing, Kate.
- Agent Caitlin Todd: What? Annoying me?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: No. The creepy way Gibbs used to sneak up on us.
- Agent Caitlin Todd: What do you mean "used to"?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: The old man's been using BenGay lately. I can smell him coming a mile away.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [from directly behind Tony] That a fact, DiNozzo?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Knee feeling better, boss?
- [Gibbs leans out from behind Tony]
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Much.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Great.
- [after Gibbs blows up Runion's trailer with Runion inside]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I think you got him, Boss.
- Jimmy Palmer: What I don't understand is all this flesh trauma.
- Dr. Donald Mallard: Coyotes, Mr. Palmer. If, as I suspect...
- [He looks under the sheet]
- Dr. Donald Mallard: Ah, yes. The abdominal cavity has been chewed open. The liver and kidneys are a rich source of nutrients for these creatures.
- Jimmy Palmer: Well, that's, uh... gross, Doctor.
- Dr. Donald Mallard: Well, we lucked out, actually, Mr. Palmer. In several cases, coyotes chew off the head and carry it away with them, to prevent it being grabbed by other predators. Yeah, my coroner friend in Los Angeles says that, "coyotes take it to go."
- [beat]
- Dr. Donald Mallard: They're very strange in Los Angeles.
- Agent Caitlin Todd: These are the last two people to have seen the Staff Sergeant alive: his best friend, and his wife. Do you think that either or both of them could have murdered the staff sergeant?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well, it is kind of weird, a single guy hanging out with a married couple.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: I agree.
- Agent Caitlin Todd: Why is that weird?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well, because he's a single guy who hangs out with married people.
- Agent Caitlin Todd: I do that all the time.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Yeah, but you bring a date, right?
- Agent Caitlin Todd: Not always.
- [Tony and McGee trade a look]
- Agent Caitlin Todd: What?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well, who usually invites you?
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: The man or the woman?
- Agent Caitlin Todd: I don't know... I guess, usually the guy.
- [Another look]
- Agent Caitlin Todd: Okay, for your information, a lot of my friends are from the Secret Service, and most of them happen to be men.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well, what about your girlfriend who called you yesterday?
- Agent Caitlin Todd: Well, Deb is married to one of my buddies, Rick.
- [Tony and McGee start to snicker]
- Agent Caitlin Todd: Okay, so what you're saying is that all of my married, male friends secretly want to sleep with me.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Pretty much.
- Agent Caitlin Todd: That's very mature, Tony. And for your information, men and women *can* just be friends. Isn't that right, McGee?
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Technically.
- Agent Caitlin Todd: What do you mean, "technically?"
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: He means, she'd have to be pretty ugly first.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: [as he and Tony both crack up laughing] Wait, wait, I didn't say that...
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Looks like we're going to play Gibbs' favorite game.
- Abby Sciuto: [smiling] Musical interrogation rooms.