- Gomez Addams: Lurch, I know it's awful to lose a loved one in such a nonviolent way, but... running away is not the solution.
- Wednesday Addams: Pugsley, you're not supposed to moan until I dislocate something.
- [Pugsley moans again]
- Wednesday Addams: Pugsley!
- Morticia Addams: Lurch, please don't go.
- Gomez Addams: Yes, give us a moment to at least think of a deceptive ploy to get you to stay.
- Sam Crudale: Allow me to introduce myself: I'm Sam Crudale, your neighborhood door-to-door piano salesman.
- Uncle Fester: [Fester extends a single finger and Crudale attempts to shake it] Pleased to meet ya, Fester Addams. But we already have a piano.
- Sam Crudale: No, you only think you have a piano. Now, if I could just have a moment of your time, I'll show you what I mean.
- [enters the house, leaving Fester standing in the doorway]
- Uncle Fester: He's pushy... I like that!