- Gomez Addams: Morticia, Fester, Mama, what are you doing out here in the sun?
- Uncle Fester: It makes it easier to stare straight into it from here.
- Gomez Addams: By Jove, you're right! Really hurts the eyes.
- Uncle Fester: Morticia, I've got the worst news.
- Morticia Addams: Oh no, Thing got his hand stuck in the cookie jar again?
- Uncle Fester: No! The stock market crashed. Millions of people have lost their live savings overnight.
- Morticia Addams: Why Fester, that's terrible. Tragedy is always more enjoyable when it's drawn out.
- Uncle Fester: But Gomez has almost all of his money in the stock market.
- Morticia Addams: Only because there isn't any more room under the mattress.
- Morticia Addams: Mama, any luck with your beauty cream?
- Granmama Addams: No. Even after I had this poster made.
- [holds up before and after poster]
- Morticia Addams: Now, Mama, you know your cream doesn't age people that quickly, you could go to jail for making false claims.
- Granmama Addams: Really? You know, I always wanted to wear one of those orange jumpsuits.
- Morticia Addams: Oh, Gomez, this is all my fault. If I hadn't eavesdropped and thought you lost all your money, this might never have happened.
- Gomez Addams: Darling, I don't wanna discourage you from eavesdropping, but... you know I would've told you if we were going broke. Why, we're partners!
- Morticia Addams: How could I have ever thought differently?
- Gomez Addams: Just remember: we share everything, the good and the bad. Right now, I feel like being bad.
- [starts kissing her arm]