- Catherine Duke: I couldn't help noticing that you really don't look anything like Matthew - no offense.
- Andrew: Why would I be offended by that?
- Andrew: Dude, we're still brothers! It's just that we're not actually twins. And, biologically speaking, we're not actually brothers, either.
- Matthew Brock: Oh, come on! We look so much alike.
- Andrew: No, we don't. I'm three inches shorter than you are. You have blond hair; I have brown hair. You have blue eyes; I have green eyes. I can grow a beard!... I'm Jewish!... How old are you?
- Matthew Brock: Twenty-eight.
- Andrew: And how old am I?
- Matthew Brock: Twenty-nine... Well, I - I thought you - you came out first.
- Dave Nelson: Why would you ask for a raise so big it would cripple the station?
- Bill McNeal: Greed.
- Dave Nelson: Alright. And - and what - and what has that greed gotten you?
- Bill McNeal: Money.
- Dave Nelson: And what can that money ultimately buy?
- Bill McNeal: Happiness - but stop tryin' to cheer me up!
- Bill McNeal: [as they pass each other in Dave's window] Morning, Sam.
- Jimmy: Morning, Ralph. I love that joke.
- Bill McNeal: What is a radio station? It is not a country club. It is a fighting unit, am I right?
- [all agree]
- Bill McNeal: And what do fighting men and women do in a crisis?
- Joe Garrelli: They fight!
- Bill McNeal: No, they give in, especially when the odds are hopelessly stacked against them.
- Bill McNeal: You may not believe this, Dave, but you are not Joseph Stalin, and this is not Elizabethan England. I have a right to speak.
- Bill McNeal: Why, back in the early days of radio, all they had were jungle drums beating the rhythmic message of traffic and weather from village to village. But did they complain?
- Dave Nelson: Hell, no!
- Bill McNeal: Do you hear me complaining?
- Dave Nelson: Hell, no! Because you got a massive secret raise that caused all these problems in the first place.
- Bill McNeal: Exactly... No!
- Dave Nelson: You've really outdone yourself today, Bill. You've alienated the entire staff, nearly stripped the office bare, and broken poor Matthew's heart.
- Bill McNeal: You think I'm proud of myself? Everyone hates me now. And not like before, when they all sorta hated me, either. This is the real stuff.
- Jimmy: There's a saying, "I cried because I had no desk, until I met a man who had no feet, and the no feet guy explained there was no such thing as a budget and WNYX was way, way over it, uh, the end." Did you ever hear that story?
- Dave Nelson: Yeah, I think I have. That's from The Inspirational Teachings of Reverend Jim Jones, right?