One Foot in the Grave (TV Series)

We Have Put Her Living in the Tomb (1990)

Richard Wilson: Victor Meldrew

Photos 

Quotes 

• Victor Meldrew : If that's another man that looks like Buddy Holly trying to sell us Sky Television tell him that we're both blind and deaf. We don't need one of his satellite dishes. I'll weld a bidet to the side of the house and it will be less of an eye sore

• Victor Meldrew : [talking in his sleep]  Not with the pastry... Not with the pastry!

  Margaret Meldrew : For God's sake, shut up!

  Victor Meldrew : [waking up]  What's the matter?

  Margaret Meldrew : Will you stop going on about that bloody pastry every time you fall asleep?

  Victor Meldrew : Pastry? Why on earth would I talk about pastry in my sleep?

  Margaret Meldrew : I don't know.

• [first lines] 

  Victor Meldrew : [on the phone]  Mel-drew!

  Victor Meldrew : Who? Well, put Mavis on, then.

  Victor Meldrew : I don't care is she is reproofing a yashmak; I want to speak to her.

  [to Margaret] 

  Victor Meldrew : Usual performance. She takes my ticket, disappears for half an hour, comes back. "Do you remember when you brought them in?" "Yes, last Thursday." Off she goes again, comes back. "What colour were they?" "Light grey." Off she goes again. still com- Hello!

  Victor Meldrew : Yes, I have got them here at home with me. I'm just wondering what idea of this rather offensive piece of paper I just found speared to the hook.

  [reads] 

  Victor Meldrew : "This garment was extremely badly soiled and bore stains of an unusually resilient nature."

  Victor Meldrew : What's it got to do with you? I bring my trousers in, I expect them to be dry cleaned, not reviewed in print by the laundry critic of the Sunday Times. You might as well get Bernard Levin to do an essay in my socks and be done with it.

  Victor Meldrew : Yeh! That's just the sort of remark I expected. I don't know why I bother.

• [last lines] 

  Margaret Meldrew : By the way, I meant to tell you, I got another tortoise. I took it round to them this afternoon. They don't suspect a thing, so don't you say anything, right? Let's just let sleeping dogs lie.

  Victor Meldrew : I rang her up this morning just after you'd gone. I told her it was dead.

  Margaret Meldrew : But she didn't... oh... No.