- Chris Keller: Hey, I'm gonna see you today, right?
- Sister Pete: Three o'clock, visiting one of your ex-wives.
- Chris Keller: Yeah.
- Sister Pete: Which one? Kitty or Angelique?
- Chris Keller: Bonnie, wife number 2 and number 4, she's the best.
- Sister Pete: Hmmm.
- Chris Keller: There she is, there she is.
- Sister Pete: Aha, a redhead.
- Chris Keller: No, the other one.
- Sister Pete: Chris she's...
- Chris Keller: Huge.
- Sister Pete: Well, did she gain some weight after the divorce?
- Chris Keller: No, she was that way when I married her. Both times. Bye.
- [He goes into the visitation room and starts making out with Bonnie]
- Nikolai Stanislofsky: I'm telling you, Kosygin must be eliminated.
- Ryan O'Reily: You know, we have a saying in this country. You might have heard it before. "You can't shit a shitter".
- Officer Claire Howell: You know what your problem is, Diane? You try to be everybody's best pal.
- Officer Diane Whittlesey: You know what your problem is? You try to be everybody's worst nightmare.
- Chris Keller: You saw my ex, Bonnie? When I met her, she was all alone, and very unhappy, so I knew it'd be easy to get her to fall in love with me. But what I didn't know, was after I broke her heart, would she still love me. See, I am a piece of shit. I am worthless. As bad as they come. And to have someone keep loving me, no matter how bad... You happy now? You got me to open up and spill my guts all over your table. Breakthrough.
- Ryan O'Reily: Neuter's a fag.
- Augustus Hill: What makes you say that?
- Ryan O'Reily: Look at the way he's grabbing Pecky?
- Augustus Hill: Their fighting.
- Ryan O'Reily: Yo all I'm saying is that its a lot of body contact man.
- Augustus Hill: That's the stupidest thing I ever heard of, a gay puppet.
- Chris Keller: One of the teletubbys is gay.
- Augustus Hill: What?
- Chris Keller: Yeah Falwell, the reverend somebody says twinky dink or whatever his name is, he's a butt pirate.
- Augustus Hill: That's nuts, listen you gotta have a, a cock to be gay.
- Chris Keller: Where does it say you gotta have a cock to be gay? All you need is a mouth so you can suck cock.
- Antonio Nappa: [writing his memoirs] We take Ponoma down to the piers. He knows what's up but he don't beg, he don't struggle. I tell him, I say, "Sonny, you got a pair of balls," and then I blew 'em both off.
- Sister Pete: So you went along with Beecher not in the name of the Aryan Brotherhood, but to see if he would love you no matter what.
- Chris Keller: At first I wanted unconditional surrender, then I wanted unconditional love. But Beecher don't love me.
- Sister Pete: And that's killing you inside.
- Chris Keller: Yeah.
- William Cudney: [after refusing to steal any more sedative drugs for O'Reily] I've figured out what you've been doing with the chloral-hydrate.
- Ryan O'Reily: Oh yeah?
- William Cudney: You've been spiking the fighter's spritzers so they'll be drugged in the ring.
- Ryan O'Reily: That's crazy talk.
- William Cudney: I've made an appointment with the warden to tell him. My soul is in jeopardy, so is yours. By doing this, I'm gonna save you.
- Ryan O'Reily: Not if I save you first.
- Chris Keller: You saw my ex, Bonnie. When I met her she was all alone, very unhappy. So I knew it would be easy to get her to fall in love with me. But what I didn't know... was after I broke her heart would she still love me.
- [He pauses and lets this settle]
- Chris Keller: See, I'm a piece of shit. I am worthless. As bad as they come and to have someone keep loving me, no matter how bad...
- [he pauses]
- Chris Keller: You happy now? You got me to open up and spill my guts all over your table.