- MSgt. Ernest G. 'Ernie' Bilko: Gentlemen, if we were celebrating just another holiday I would say so what. But need I remind you we are celebrating Don Ameche's birthday! Now let's get those tickets moving.
- MSgt. Ernest G. 'Ernie' Bilko: All the money I make on these dances I lose on the horses. I'm a non-profit Organization!
- Eliott: [reading Bilko's returns] On June 12, Benedict Arnold's birthday he ran a 'Forgive and Forget' dance!