- Claudine Longet: Some one asked me how to pronounce Marcello Mastroianni backwards. And I told them, "You can't. It's already backwards."
- Sophisticated Lady: Excuse me, tootsie, do you have a hairbrush?
- Barbara Sharma: Yes, I do.
- Sophisticated Lady: Why don't you use it?
- Teresa Graves: Airlines are really worried lately. Seems they're losing losing money faster that they're losing luggage.
- Ann Elder: More and more people are flying helicopters nowadays. Unfortunately, most of them are soldiers.
- Teresa Graves: I know a guy that can hold his breath for over an hour. But there's one problem: he can only do it once.
- Dick Martin: Do you know the difference between a sexy lady and a turnip?
- Dan Rowan: No, I don't.
- Dick Martin: Okay, then you can have the turnip.