Sabrina the Teenage Witch (TV Series)
Pilot (1996)
Melissa Joan Hart: Sabrina Spellman
Photos
Quotes
-
Libby Chessler : [Sabrina enters the bathroom, Libby, at the mirror, turns round to face her] May we help you?
Sabrina : I just wanted to wash my hands. You know, frog juice.
Libby Chessler : Hmm.
[makes room]
Libby Chessler : You know... if you stink, I'm not sure it's fair to blame the frog.
Sabrina : Well, at least I don't splash on aftershave to remind me of some boy who dumped me last summer.
Libby Chessler : How'd you know that?
Sabrina : [wonders herself, turns] I... I... I don't know, my incredible sense of smell told me?
[wonders]
Libby Chessler : Huh. Yeah, right.
Sabrina : Well, I better get going. Smell ya later!
Libby Chessler : Wait... Don't come in here again. From now on, you use the freaks' bathroom.
[turns to face mirror again]
Libby Chessler : [Sabrina gestures at Libby, which enacts a spell and makes Libby's hand cover her face in lipstick]
-
Jill : [both lean over a dead frog] Let's name him. Tad. Tad Pole.
Sabrina : Okay.
[looks down for a moment]
Sabrina : Hey, thanks for asking me to be your lab partner.
Jill : I know what it's like, I was the new kid last year.
Sabrina : So, can I ask you a question? Do you ever feel like you don't fit in?
Jill : Only all the time, but I don't want to fit in. I researched it, and awkward people tend to be much more successful later in life. I look at Libby, I see tragedy.
-
Sabrina Spellman : Salem, do you think the council will grant the time reversal?
Salem Saberhagen : I'm the wrong witch to ask. They weren't very lenient with me. Sentenced to 100 years as a cat, and for what?
Sabrina Spellman : I don't know. For what?
Salem Saberhagen : Oh, like any young kid, I dreamed of world domination. Of course, they really crack down when you act upon it.
Sabrina Spellman : Wow. No wonder you're so possessive of the sofa.
Salem Saberhagen : Mm. It would have been glorious. Me, as the firm but just emperor of Earth. Trust me, being a house pet wasn't even plan B.
Sabrina Spellman : Come on, it's not that bad. You take 5,000 naps a day.
Salem Saberhagen : I can't go dancing. I can't play squash. The sound of the can opener is the only thing that makes me feel truly alive.
Sabrina Spellman : Salem? Would you like your rubber mouse?
Salem Saberhagen : Please.
-
Edward Spellman : Sabrina, open me up.
Sabrina Spellman : No.
Edward Spellman : We have to talk. Young lady, you open me up this instant!
Sabrina Spellman : No, I don't want to talk to a book. Oh, god, I'm talking to a book.
-
Zelda Spellman : Happy birthday, Sabrina.
Hilda Spellman : And many more to come.
Zelda Spellman : Many, many more to come. I... I got you a little something.
Hilda Spellman : Actually, that's from both of us. I just forgot to sign the card.
Zelda Spellman : [passing over a birthday present] Hope you don't already have one.
Sabrina Spellman : [opening it] A black pot. Actually, I don't. Thanks.
Zelda Spellman : It's a cauldron.
Sabrina Spellman : Wow. Even better. I can, um, put my pens in it.
Zelda Spellman : That's not what it's for. Sabrina, we have something to tell you.
-
Sabrina Spellman : Okay, I've talked to my dad, and I've thought about it. And I guess I believe I'm a witch.
Hilda Spellman : Good. 'Cause you are.
-
Sabrina Spellman : I love being a witch! I don't know what made the council change their minds, but I got to do the whole day over again! And now the teachers think I'm smart, the jocks think I'm cool, oh, and I'm going to the movies with Harvey and Jenny Saturday night. Whoo hoo! I'm normal! Gotta go tell the cat.
Hilda Spellman : [amused] Teens.
Zelda Spellman : What about them?
Hilda Spellman : Just in general.
-
Sabrina Spellman : I'm not very good at this. You told me the 23rd time is the charm.
Zelda Spellman : You'll learn to control your magic. At the very least, you'll always be able to garnish a ham steak.
Sabrina Spellman : One more try. Salem into apple.
Salem Saberhagen : I think that's enough for one night.
Hilda Spellman : The cat's right. Wrap it up. You've got school tomorrow.
Sabrina Spellman : I'm a witch and I still have to go to school?
Zelda Spellman : Mm-hmm.
Sabrina Spellman : Unfair! Hey, maybe I'll turn Mr. Pool into...
Hilda Spellman : No, now be careful pointing your finger at people. It could be dangerous.
Sabrina Spellman : You're pointing at me!
Hilda Spellman : I have the safety on.
-
Zelda Spellman : Sabrina doesn't know how to seal her spells yet, so... the popular girl is not a fruit.
[Libby returns to human form]
Zelda Spellman : There. All better.
Libby Chessler : What am I doing in your house?
Sabrina Spellman : You... came over for a visit.
Libby Chessler : I would not. You did something to me. You sent me somewhere. It was small and smelled like Hawaii.
-
Zelda Spellman : You're gonna be late.
Sabrina Spellman : So? I'm a witch. Can't I just turn back time?
Hilda Spellman : Uh-uh. No. A witch can't change time. That's one of the rules.
Sabrina Spellman : You're kidding.
Hilda Spellman : Nope.
Sabrina Spellman : [hurrying out] Gotta go.
Hilda Spellman : You also can't get rid of cellulite.
-
Zelda Spellman : There are two realms, the natural and the supernatural, and it turns out that the immutable laws of physics...
Hilda Spellman : You're a witch.
Sabrina Spellman : What do you mean I'm a witch?
Hilda Spellman : You're a witch.
Zelda Spellman : Now, you're not alone. I'm a witch. Hilda's a witch. Your father's a witch.
Sabrina Spellman : And I suppose my mom's a witch, too?
Hilda Spellman : I always thought so.
Zelda Spellman : Actually, your mom's mortal. You see, that's why you're here; so that we can teach you to use your magic.
Sabrina Spellman : You know, for a second there, you almost made me forget about my first day of school. Thanks. But... now I've got to go catch a bus to take me to my doom.
-
Drell : Oh, the problems of teenagers are so interesting. Well, we'll review your case and we'll get back to you.
Sabrina Spellman : But I need to know.
Drell : And you will! Now go! And don't let the time-space continuum hit you on the way out.
-
Sabrina Spellman : [after her request to turn back time is denied] So, where are we moving? I hear Greenland's a groove.
Hilda Spellman : Get your books. You're gonna be late.
Sabrina Spellman : You don't understand. Aunt Hilda, I'm not going to school.
Hilda Spellman : Oh, yes, you are. You can do this. You can't go through life being afraid of things. Toughen up.
Sabrina Spellman : But everyone'll laugh at me.
Hilda Spellman : Toughen up.
Sabrina Spellman : So that's my choice? Toughen up or toughen up? Aunt Zelda, will you help me?
Zelda Spellman : Oh, you know I hate to say it, but Aunt Hilda's right. I mean, who cares what the other kids say?
Sabrina Spellman : Actually... Libby thought I was a freak even before this happened.
Hilda Spellman , Zelda Spellman : See?
-
Jennifer 'Jenny' Kelley : I got a joke. Knock knock.
Sabrina Spellman : Who's there?
Jennifer 'Jenny' Kelley : Brad.
Sabrina Spellman : Brad who?
Jennifer 'Jenny' Kelley : Brad Pitt. Is there any other Brad worth mentioning?
-
Sabrina Spellman : I can't be a witch. Witches don't exist.
Edward Spellman : Honey, I know this is hard, but you just have to accept it. You're not like other kids. You're special.
Sabrina Spellman : I don't want to be special. I want to be normal.
Edward Spellman : I understand, but that ship has sailed.
Sabrina Spellman : None of this makes sense. I mean, all these years I thought you were traveling with the foreign service.
Edward Spellman : I am. It's just a lot more foreign than you thought.
Sabrina Spellman : And mom? Has she really been digging for fossils in Peru?
Edward Spellman : Yes, she is.
Sabrina Spellman : Then I want to go live with her.
Edward Spellman : You can't. You see, there's a rule. If you set eyes on your mother in the next two years, she'll turn into a ball of wax.
Sabrina Spellman : What?
Edward Spellman : It's the way they discourage mortal/witch marriages.
Sabrina Spellman : So, is that the reason why you and mom got divorced?
Edward Spellman : No.
Sabrina Spellman : So, do you think maybe you can get back together?
Sabrina Spellman : No. That's another ship that's sailed. You're gonna be fine. Just take some time and think about all this. And if you ever need me... I'm in the index.
-
Zelda Spellman : Here is a present from your father.
Sabrina Spellman : An old book, a black pot... doesn't anyone shop at the Gap anymore? "The Discovery of Magic." Why'd he give me this?
[opening it to where it's bookmarked]
Sabrina Spellman : That's why. This old magician looks just like my dad.
Edward Spellman : Surprise. It is your dad. Happy birthday, Sabrina.
Sabrina Spellman : Wow, Hallmark has gone really high-tech. Can he say anything else?
Edward Spellman : I'm not a hologram, honey. I'm just in a different realm.
Sabrina Spellman : A different realm? I thought you were at the Toronto Midway Motor Lodge.
Edward Spellman : Zelda, Hilda, didn't you explain to her she's a witch?
Hilda Spellman : She doesn't believe us.
Sabrina Spellman : [closing the book] Not this again. Look, I know you went to a lot of trouble to set this joke up, so... ha, ha, ha. Now it's over.
Hilda Spellman : No, it's just beginning. You *are* a witch.
Zelda Spellman : With real magical powers. And now that you're 16, you can use them. And you wanted something from the Gap.
-
Salem Saberhagen : And once I controlled Eurasia, I was going to advance on...
Sabrina Spellman : Oh, Salem, can you hold that thought? I'll be right back; I gotta get some more milk.
Salem Saberhagen : Stay where you are. You're a witch. Look under the M's.
Sabrina Spellman : [flipping through her spellbook] Wow, magic milk!
[pointing her finger at her glass, it refills itself]
Sabrina Spellman : Cool, it worked! Hey, I could get used to this magic.
Salem Saberhagen : [she starts to take a sip] Hey, share!
-
Sabrina Spellman : I hate being a witch! I just turned the most popular girl in school into a pineapple!
Hilda Spellman : Why?
Sabrina Spellman : Because it's the only thing you taught me how to do.
Hilda Spellman : Chill. I can fix this.
[taking the pineapple, she goes over to the island and picks up a cleaver]
Hilda Spellman : Chunks or rings?
Zelda Spellman : Hilda... there are other ways.
Hilda Spellman : Wedges?
-
Mr. Eugene Pool : Oh! Look, girls, you... you bored your frog to death!
[hands Sabrina the knife]
Mr. Eugene Pool : Well, slice and dice!
[walks away]
Sabrina : [sighs] I hate doing this. If only there was some way I could bring these frogs back to life. I think his heart is somewhere around... here!
[Magic springs from her pointing finger, the frog comes back to life, starts croaking and moving]
Sabrina : Look! Tad's alive! How'd that happen?
Jennifer 'Jenny' Kelley : Ha! It's Frankenfrog! Hey!
[Frog jumps away]
Jennifer 'Jenny' Kelley : [Sabrina squeals and goes after the frog]
Jennifer 'Jenny' Kelley : Mr Pool! Ours is still kicking!
[Still squealing, Sabrina catches the frog]
Mr. Eugene Pool : [Chuckles] Mike from Cadaver Shack's gonna here from me!
