Sabrina the Teenage Witch (TV Series)

Terrible Things (1996)

Melissa Joan Hart: Sabrina Spellman

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sabrina Spellman : Ah, is it time for Salem to be wormed again?

  Salem Saberhagen : No, worse. I have to do community service.

  Zelda Spellman : It's part of his punishment for attempting global conquest.

  Salem Saberhagen : As if being a cat for a hundred years wasn't enough, Zelda had to put me in a pets for prisoners program.

  Zelda Spellman : I gave you a choice, you could have done highway cleanup.

  Salem Saberhagen : Yeah, cats do real well on highways.

  Zelda Spellman : Stop complaining and get your wormy little butt down stairs in 2 minutes. It's time to pay your debt to society.

  Salem Saberhagen : Can't I just write a cheque?

• Sabrina Spellman : I don't know what your problem is. It's nice to help people.

  Salem Saberhagen : And what nice things have you done lately?

  Sabrina Spellman : Me? I do nice things all the time.

  Salem Saberhagen : Really? Since you got your magical powers, all I've seen you do is change your clothes and make brussel sprouts disappear.

  Sabrina Spellman : That's not true and I'll prove it. I'll use my magic to do 3 nice things before the end of school today. Easy.

  Salem Saberhagen : Not so easy. Before you shoot your little finger off, you'd better consider the consequences or ter-rible things could happen.

• Sabrina Spellman : Why don't you just use your magic to make Geoffrey play better. I mean wouldn't that be a nice thing for him and for us?

  Hilda Spellman : Yes, but I would never do that.

  Zelda Spellman : That's right. You must be careful about meddling in mortal's lives. We witches have rules.

  Hilda Spellman : Who cares about the rules? I just want Geoffrey to keep paying for lessons.

• Sabrina Spellman : How was jail?

  Salem Saberhagen : Not bad, there's a guy in solitary convinced Alan Derchowitze appeared to him as a talking cat. I told him I'd call the governor and plead his innocence.

  Sabrina Spellman : See? I told you it was nice to help people.

  Salem Saberhagen : Are you kidding? I'm not calling.

• Sabrina Spellman : I feel so bad about Harvey. I can't believe he's sprained his arm.

  Jennifer 'Jenny' Kelley : I can't believe that's all he's sprained.

• Mr. Eugene Pool : Now that I'm rich I have a reason to live.

  Sabrina Spellman : So are you happy?

  Mr. Eugene Pool : Oh, I'll say. Well, it gives me the freedom to teach science without anger and resentment. I can now teach for the pure joy of teaching.

• Sabrina Spellman : [to Harvey]  Well, you know let me know if there's anything I can do to help.

  Libby Chessler : I'm a cheerleader, let me handle this.

• Sabrina Spellman : I was just trying to help people.

  Drell : Help is a 4-letter word like 'Dumb' and 'Move'. Am I right?

  Sabrina Spellman : Well, first all the people I helped were happy but now only one is and he's happy enough for all 3 of them though. So...

  Drell : [interrupting]  Now I should explain to you that when I say 'Am I right?' it's a rhetorical question! Because I'm always right.

• Sabrina Spellman : Do you have a minute?

  Mr. Eugene Pool : Yes, a lifetime of them and now they're going by very slowly.

• Jennifer 'Jenny' Kelley : I don't get it. Why doesn't anybody want to support the outsider party?

  Sabrina Spellman : Maybe because you named it after their biggest fear?

• Jennifer 'Jenny' Kelley : Libby thinks being class president is about lunch food and dances. Call me idealistic but I really want to make this school a better place.

  Sabrina Spellman : Hey, you got my vote.

  Jennifer 'Jenny' Kelley : Which gives me a grand total of two.

• Drell : Now the football injury and the class elections have no global consequences. You can mess with your pimply, pubescent, peers all you want. Alchemy, however, could collapse the world economy and wreak havoc on MY T-bills. Now are you gonna fix this or... should I give Salem a little, blonde kitty friend?

  Sabrina Spellman : No, I can fix it. I mean, I just have to erase the knowledge, right? I don't have to destroy Mr. Pool.

  Drell : You've got a day. That's 23 hours to solve the problem and one hour to shop for a scratching post. Ha-ha-ha-ha!

• Mr. Eugene Pool : [his tattered old briefcase bursting open strewing papers all over the floor]  What a mess!

  Sabrina Spellman : It's just a bunch of papers.

  Mr. Eugene Pool : No, my life!

• Jennifer 'Jenny' Kelley : I'd much rather be jaded than naive.

  Sabrina Spellman : Who wouldn't?

• Sabrina Spellman : Why is it you can't use magic to make someone's life better?

  Zelda Spellman : Well, because it's impossible to know what would make a mortal happy.

  Sabrina Spellman : But what if you knew exactly what would make them happy?

  Zelda Spellman : Ah well, you still can't predict the consequences.

  Sabrina Spellman : But wouldn't those consequences just be good?

  Zelda Spellman : Well, in some cases the consequences might be good, but then again ter-rible things could happen.