"Sabrina the Teenage Witch" Terrible Things (TV Episode 1996) - Penn Jillette as Drell

Drell : Hilda! What's with your hair?

Hilda Spellman : My new boyfriend likes it this way.

Drell : Oh, your new boyfriend. What's his name?

Hilda Spellman : ...Um!

Drell : Oh, well, I hope you and '... Um!' are very happy.
Sabrina Spellman : I was just trying to help people.

Drell : Help is a 4-letter word like 'Dumb' and 'Move'. Am I right?

Sabrina Spellman : Well, first all the people I helped were happy but now only one is and he's happy enough for all 3 of them though. So...

Drell : [interrupting] Now I should explain to you that when I say 'Am I right?' it's a rhetorical question! Because I'm always right.
Zelda Spellman : Drell, please, Sabrina's a good kid.

Hilda Spellman : And things are hard on her. Her mother's in Peru. Her father's in a book.

Drell : And I'm in the land of I_DON'T_CARE!
Drell : Now the football injury and the class elections have no global consequences. You can mess with your pimply, pubescent, peers all you want. Alchemy, however, could collapse the world economy and wreak havoc on MY T-bills. Now are you gonna fix this or... should I give Salem a little, blonde kitty friend?

Sabrina Spellman : No, I can fix it. I mean, I just have to erase the knowledge, right? I don't have to destroy Mr. Pool.

Drell : You've got a day. That's 23 hours to solve the problem and one hour to shop for a scratching post. Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Penn Jillette: Drell