- Barbara Bush: My husband has been Vice President for eight years, I've been through two Senate campaigns, I think I...
- Pat Stevens: [interrupting] I've been through two pair of hose today. And I'll tell you, that burns my cork and you can't exchange them, now tell me, who's gonna do something about that?
- Mr. Short-Term Memory: Wait a minute, I'm not gonna eat this, it's already been in somebody's mouth. Oh, this is a great restaurant, serves allready been chewed food!
- Girl Watcher: She caught the shine on my forehead, and just kept on truckin'.
- Girl Watcher # 2: I was there all along, backing you up with my big ol' head!
- George Bush: [during the 1988 Presidential debates] Well let me just sum up: on track, stay the course. A thousand points of light, stay the course.
- Diane Sawyer: Hm-hm. Governor Dukakis. Rebuttal?
- Michael Dukakis: I can't believe I'm losing to this guy.
- Tom Hanks: 'Look up Nice in the latest edition of Webster's Dictionary, you'll find a new definition: Tom Hanks.' No, you won't! I've looked it up, it's not there!
- Girl Watcher: Yow! Jessica Chase!
- Girl Watcher # 2: A girl I've never even spoken to.
- Girl Watcher: She's a practicing lawyer, and we're still living at home.
- Girl Watcher # 2: I don't like our chances.
- Weekend Update Anchor: Insiders are saying that Chilean dictator Gustav Pinochet is blaming his defeat in Wednesday's nationwide referendum, on his running mate Daniel Dequayer. Chilean voters worried that Dequayer would not be brutal enough in the event he had to assume power. Dequayer, who is called El Pendexito, or, literally, "Little Pubic Hair", says... says he's at least as brutal as Franco was when he took power. A spokesman for the opposition said, "Hey, I know Franco; I was tortured by Franco; he's no Franco."
- Franz: Ja, unfortunately, we have to waste valuable time talking about a nasty issue.
- Hans: Steroids!
- Franz: Yeah. You know, we ourselves have even come under attack for using them.
- Hans: Ja, but they are sadly mistaken, my friend. Because we are just like yogurt, all natural, no chemicals.
- Franz: Ja, ja. But there is no fruit at the bottom of us, only muscle. That's right! And not just at the bottom but throughout, as if we were pre-stirred muscle yogurt.