- Jessie Spano: Look, if you don't want to hire Kelly as a lifeguard just because she's a woman, that's discrimination.
- Leon Carosi: Well, you like to throw your two cents in, don't you?
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Boy, you have no idea!
- Norman Schmeltzer: Hey, babe, you the new lifeguard?
- Kelly Kapowski: Yeah, but the name's Kelly.
- Norman Schmeltzer: So, um, what do you gotta do to get a little mouth-to-mouth?
- Kelly Kapowski: Try drowning. Now excuse me, I have to concentrate on the swimmers.
- Samuel 'Screech' Powers: Now, may I tell you today's specials? We have linguine, fettuccine or eenie meanie tortellini.
- Lisa Turtle: I'll have a salad.
- Samuel 'Screech' Powers: Mixed or greeny?
- Lisa Turtle: Greeny.
- Samuel 'Screech' Powers: Large or teeny?
- Lisa Turtle: Will you get outta here, ya weenie?
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Hi there, can I help you?
- Stacey Carosi: Maybe. I'm looking for someone.
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Oh, aren't we all? And sometimes we get lucky and find that someone we're looking for.
- Stacey Carosi: [Sarcastically] That's so profound. I'm looking for, uh, Leon Carosi?
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: What do you wanna see that jerk for?
- Stacey Carosi: Because that jerk's my father.
- [walks away]
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Oh.
- [chuckles nervously]
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Yeah, well, I was just kidding. Guess what? You're on "Totally Hidden Video"!
- Kelly Kapowski: Hey, Zack, we heard you really blew it with Carosi's daughter yesterday.
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Ho-ho, yeah, the word is you needed a shoehorn to get your foot outta your mouth.