- Dr. Perry Cox: [about his ex-wife] She was never boring.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: What happened?
- Dr. Perry Cox: Eh, you marry someone just like your mother... And then remember you hate your mother.
- Dr. Perry Cox: So, how are things going in the underworld?
- Jordan Sullivan: Good, and you? Still have a rollicking social life?
- Dr. Perry Cox: Since I cut you loose, it's been one big party.
- Jordan Sullivan: In the next five seconds, name one place, other than the hospital and your apartment, that you've been to in the last month. Five... four... three... two...
- Dr. Perry Cox: My car... on the way to the... big party.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Sir, I'm confused.
- Dr. Bob Kelso: You annoy me.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Oh, now I get it.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Baby, tell her to put the cane down.
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: Mama!
- [something in Spanish]
- Mother: No!
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Tell her to put the cane down!
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: [to Turk] She doesn't want me to have men here because I'm unmarried.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Well tell her I needed a place to crash; she doesn't have to know we had sex all night.
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: She speaks English!
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Then what the hell are you translating for?
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: Because you don't speak Spanish!
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Oh!
- Dr. Elliot Reid: Why doesn't anyone ever listen to me?
- Dr. Christopher Turk: [exasperated] 'In a better place', 'look different', 'feel good', 'kay? That's what usually happens when you see a shrink.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: My patient happens to be a therapist, I'm not 'seeing a shrink.'
- Dr. Christopher Turk: [placating her] Okay.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: [lowering voice] And I would appreciate it if you'd stop spreading around embarrassing rumors like that.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm just goofing around. Besides, the last thing I want to do is upset a crazy lady.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: Hey--hey, Turk, can I talk to y-...
- Dr. Christopher Turk: No, you can't; that's why they're called YOUR problems!
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Okay, what?
- Dr. Perry Cox: Your ex-wife. She's the answer.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Uhhh... . Things that ruined my life. Things that took half my money. Things with sharp edges!
- Jordan Sullivan: [to J.D., about Dr. Cox] You know, you remind me of him when he was younger.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Then, Jordan, look into your heart and see if you can dig up some sympathy for someone who means a whole lot to me; and probably means a little to you, too. So will you help him?
- Jordan Sullivan: Oh, sweetie... . No.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: I know you don't really like me, but-...
- Jordan Sullivan: I don't dislike you -- I nothing you.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Oh, thanks, that's--that's special.