Scrubs (TV Series)

My Common Enemy (2004)

Donald Faison: Dr. Christopher Turk

Quotes 

• Dr. Christopher Turk : You know, on The Sopranos, if a guy caught his brother with his girlfriend, he'd just rub his ass out.

  J.D. : Oh, believe you me, the second I get Dan alone, there's gonna be some serious ass rubbing... I shouldn't smack talk.

  Dan Dorian : [arriving]  Hey, mind if I join you guys?

  Dr. Perry Cox : [arriving too]  The question you should be asking is "Mind if I diddle your ex?". Oh... and just a great big congratulations on your ongoing streak of being the world's worst older brother.

  [leaves] 

  Dan Dorian : [stands, then smiles]  Thanks, Coxy.

  J.D. : [narrating]  I knew it was my turn to let Dan have it, but for some reason I wasn't mad.

  [out loud] 

  J.D. : Listen, Dan...

  Dan Dorian : J.D., let me explain. I came to the hospital to see you... and I ran into Elliot and it just happened. It was an one-time thing.

  J.D. : I'm OK with it.

  Dan Dorian : Great, because it's going on for a few weeks! Elliot's amazing: smart, funny... hhhot! I was in a dark place and she saved me, she really did. I haven't feel this good since my dad died.

  J.D. : Our dad.

  Dan Dorian : Right.

  Dr. Christopher Turk : Hold on. When Carla and I came home yesterday, we heard something; did you two hook up in J.D.'s room?

  Dan Dorian : A friend wouldn't ask, a gentleman wouldn't tell.

  Dr. Christopher Turk : Did you?

  Dan Dorian : Twice. We didn't go under the sheets, out of respect.

  J.D. : [sarcastically]  How thoughtful!

• [Turk is asking Dr. Kelso for a favor] 

  Turk : Sir, I promise you, if you offer her the job again she'll say yes. And I'll do anything, I'll pick up extra shifts, I'll volunteer - I'll volunteer at the clinic; Whatever you want!

  Dr. Kelso : Ahh! I want you to kill the giant bat that's been living in my attic!

  Turk : You keep Enid in the attic?

• Dr. Christopher Turk : You know, on "The Sopranos", if a guy caught his brother with his ex-girlfriend, he'd just rub his ass out!

  J.D. : Oh, believe you me, the second I get Dan alone, there's gonna be some serious ass-rubbing.

  [beat] 

  J.D. : I shouldn't smack-talk.