The Simpsons (TV Series)
Bart the Fink (1996)
Harry Shearer: New Account Opener, Kent Brockman, IRS Agent #1, Announcer, Jasper, Principal Skinner, Dr. Hibbert
Quotes
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[Krusty faces imprisonment after being revealed as a tax fraud]
Krusty the Clown : I can't go to jail. I got a swanky lifestyle. I'm used to the best.
IRS Agent 1# : Krusty, this is America. We don't send our celebrities to jail. We're just going to garnish your salary.
Krusty the Clown : *Garnish* my *celery*?
IRS Agent 1# : Please, Krusty, no jokes.
Krusty the Clown : Who's joking? Oy! Oh, I don't know what you're saying. It all sounds so crazy to me.
IRS Agent #2 : It simply means we'll be taking part of your salary until your debt is repaid. Say, 75% for 40 years.
Krusty the Clown : But I don't plan to live that long.
IRS Agent 1# : [to his colleague] Well, better make it 95%.
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Bart Simpson : [thinking he saw Krusty at the doctor's office] Dr. Hibbert, who was that man?
Dr. Hibbert : [chortling] Now, Bart, telling you would violate the patient/doctor privilege, just as if I were to tell you that Jasper here has five seconds to live.
Jasper : What'd he say?
Mrs. Glick : He said I'm next.
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Superintendent Chalmers : Well, I must say I've had a lovely evening, Agnes. I don't suppose I could come in for a cup of...
Agnes Skinner : [the front door opens] Seymour!
Principal Skinner : Mother... Superintendent Chalmers!
Superintendent Chalmers : Skinner!
Principal Skinner : What I wouldn't give for something to interrupt this awkward moment.
[Krusty flies by in his plane, bawling]
Principal Skinner : That'll do nicely.
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Auctioneer : Lot 67, 32 cartons of pornography.
Jasper : Ten cents.
Phone Bidder Proxy : 12!
Auctioneer : 12 cents to our bidder in Japan. Any advance?
Jasper : [sitting down] Oh, all I brought is a dime. I didn't know there'd be pornography.
Auctioneer : Sold for twelve cents!
Krusty the Clown : [anguished] Oh, my beloved pornography! I can't watch this anymore. I'm going to bed.
Auctioneer : How much for Krusty's bed?
Moe Szyslak : Half a buck!
Auctioneer : Sold!