- Principal Skinner: I'm afraid I'll have to expel your son
- Marge Simpson: [gasps]
- Principal Skinner: Unless you're willing to try a radical, untested, potentially dangerous...
- Homer Simpson: Candy bar?
- Principal Skinner: No. It's a new drug called Focusyn.
- Marge Simpson: A drug? I know Bart can be rambunctious, but he's not some hyperactive monster.
- [Bart appears outside the window, dressed as a cheerleader]
- Bart Simpson: Gimme an F! Gimme an art!
- Principal Skinner: Good Lord! He's gotten into the pep closet!
- Homer Simpson: I'd say he's coming out of the pep closet.
- Bart Simpson: I don't wanna take drugs.
- Homer Simpson: Sure you do. All your favorite stars have used drugs. Brett Butler, Tim Allen...
- Marge Simpson: Tommy Lee...
- Homer Simpson: Andy Dick...
- Bart Simpson: He's just flamboyant.
- Homer Simpson: Yeah, and I'm a size four.
- [Bart is about to destroy the school with a tank]
- Edna Krabappel: [monotonous and indifferent] No, stop, think of the children.
- Ralph Wiggum: And I want a bike, and a monkey, and a friend for the monkey...
- Hosey the Bear: You're not going to set any fires, are ya?
- Ralph Wiggum: At my house, we call them uh-ohs.
- Marge Simpson: Hmm?
- [reads a note taped to her chair]
- Marge Simpson: "Thank you in advance for a world class meal. You're an inspiration to our entire organization. Thank you again, Bart." Oh, what a thoughtful gesture.
- Bart Simpson: Cost of paper: five cents. A mother's love: priceless.
- Marge Simpson: Aw.
- Homer Simpson: Do I get a card?
- Bart Simpson: No, but here's a book called "Chicken Soup for the Loser" that gave Bill Bruckner the courage to open a chain of laundromats.
- Homer Simpson: Hmmm... my career has kind of lost momentum.
- Marge Simpson: Bart's so well-behaved now. Maybe you and I can have a night out.
- Homer Simpson: Ooh! Let's go to the water park! My ten-year ban ended yesterday.
- Marge Simpson: I was thking of something a little more... adult.
- [whispers]
- Homer Simpson: Oh, Marge!
- Marge Simpson: And then afterwards...
- [whispers some more]
- Homer Simpson: Hee-hee, hee-hee! Really? With butterscotch on it?
- Marge Simpson: I think you misheard me.
- Bart Simpson: Joke if you will, but did you know most people use ten per cent of their brains? I am now one of them. Before, my energy was all over the place. Now, it's concentrated like a laser beam. Well, this has been terrific. Let's do it again sometime.
- Lisa Simpson: Are you standing up to get me to leave?
- Bart Simpson: It's from the book.
- Lisa Simpson: [scans the book, "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pre-Teens"] Hey! I'm not a Time Burglar!
- Bart Simpson: [opens electronic organizer, types as he speaks] Memo to self: Lock door.
- Lisa Simpson: All right, I'll go! You don't have to be a jerk about it.
- Bart Simpson: [typing again] Memo to self: Shut up, Lisa.
- Comic Book Guy: Egad! A maniac cutting a swath of destruction! This is a job for the Green Lantern, Thundra, or possibleeee... Ghost Rider
- Otto: What about Superman?
- Comic Book Guy: Oh, please.
- Principal Seymour: Fire can be our friend; whether it's toasting marshmellows, or raining down on Charlie.
- [Homer and Marge have been called in to the school to talk to Principal Skinner]
- Principal Skinner: Thank you for coming.
- Homer: Thank you for getting me out of work.
- [Homer goes crazy after eating one of Bart's pills]
- Rod Flanders: Does Mr. Simpson have a demon, daddy?
- Ned Flanders: Looks like it. Run and get Daddy's exorcism tongs.
- Rod Flanders, Todd Flanders: Yaaaaaay!
- Pharmacist #2: This pill reduces class-clownism 40%.
- Pharmacist #1: With 60% less sass-mouth!
- Pharmacist #2: The only thing more effective is regular exercise.
- Homer Simpson: [recoils in horror] Guugh!
- Bart Simpson: Look, a FIRE... engine.
- Principal Skinner: Stop that!
- Bart Simpson: Help help, FIRE... helmet!
- Bart Simpson: What's that stuff?
- Principal Skinner: Why, this is retardant.
- Bart Simpson: Hahaha, sure is. Hey, what's that?
- Principal Skinner: That's called a hose lengthener.
- Bart Simpson: Hahaha... you need one!
- Homer Simpson: Do I get a card?
- Bart: No. But here's a book called Chicken Soup for the Loser that gave Bill Buckner the courage to open up a chain of laundromats!