- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Jesus Christ, you did it. You cooked that fuckin' horse alive!
- Ralph Cifaretto: No, I did NOT! But so what?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: So what?
- Ralph Cifaretto: It was a fucking animal! A hundred grand a piece! My kid's in a fuckin' hospital! I don't hear you complaining though, when I bring you a nice fat envelope, you don't give a shit where that comes from! Don't give me that look! It was a fucking horse! What are you, a vegetarian? You eat beef and sausage by the cartload!
- Christopher Moltisanti: [grabs hold of Ralph's hair and it comes clean off - it's a wig he's been wearing all along to hide his baldness] Aahh! Holy shit! I had no idea. Did you?
- Tony Soprano: Course I did. You're so high on scag, you wouldn't know if he had your mother's muff on his head.
- Tony Soprano: [Beating and strangling Ralph over Pie-O-My's death] She was a beautiful innocent creature, what'd she ever do to you? You fuckin' killed her! You killed her, you fuckin' killed her!
- Christopher Moltisanti: [on Ralph] That poor fucking guy.
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Fuck him and his alligator tears.
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Please, his kid's in a hospital, a little fucking sympathy!
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: That gives him a pass? I don't care if he's got a hundred kids in the hospital with arrows in their heads, he's a piece of shit! You know it, and I know it.
- [Tony and Christopher are dragging a dismembered body through the woods]
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You got your whole life in front of you. You want to throw it all away on drugs?
- Janice Soprano: Svetlana. I've been wanting to talk to you.
- Svetlana Kirilenko: I bring nurse, I don't come to see you.
- Janice Soprano: I should never have taken your prosthesis, but it did bring me to the Lord.
- Svetlana Kirilenko: Uch, you are boring woman!
- Ralph Cifaretto: [Referring to the joke he made about Ginny's weight] it had to be Paulie that told Johnny
- Eugene Pontecorvo: You think so?
- Ralph Cifaretto: He hates my success. I've been thinking about that birthday dinner, who was there when I told the Ginny Sack joke?
- Vito Spatafore: Not Paulie, I remember Albert say he didn't get a gift
- Ralph Cifaretto: It was little Paulie, the witless fuckin nephew, he told Paulie, Paulie tells Johnny fuckin telephone games like fuckin high school girls. Want to play phone games? That party was the only time I mentioned Shamu's fat ass
- Ralph Cifaretto: [to the operator over the phone] hello, Green Grove retirement home or something, just connect me
- Eugene Pontecorvo: The fuck you doing?
- Ralph Cifaretto: Hello, I'd like to talk to a Nucci" Gualtieri, she's a resident there
- Nucci Gualtieri: [after being woken up] hello?
- Ralph Cifaretto: Mrs. Nucci Gualtieri?
- Nucci Gualtieri: Yes
- Ralph Cifaretto: [Prank calling Paulie's mother] Hi, this is detective Mike Hunt Pennsylvania Police Department you have a son Peter Paul?
- Nucci Gualtieri: Oh my God what happened?
- Ralph Cifaretto: His alright ma'am but I'm afraid his in a little trouble. We found him in a men's room in Lafayette Park, I don't know how to put this delicately, he was sucking a cub scout's dick
- Nucci Gualtieri: What? No, it's a mistake
- Ralph Cifaretto: Ma'am, I wish that was all but I'm afraid we had to have emergency surgery performed upon arrival at headquarters after discovering a small rodent in the rectal passage
- Nucci Gualtieri: Oh my God
- Ralph Cifaretto: A gerbil ma'am. The county does not cover procedures deemed caused by sexual activity section four, paragraph fifteen, we'll need an insurance number
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Paulie referring to Ralph] you lay a hand on him and you're going to answer to me, if you can quote the rules you can fucking obey them, do you understand?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I was just down at the stables. I got some bad news: Pie-o-My, she was in a fire. She's dead
- Ralph Cifaretto: Wow, oh Jesus. That's why Lois called me and left four messages on the machine
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Three other horses too
- Ralph Cifaretto: Jesus, oh Tone I just made some coffee and eggs
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Sorry about the timing
- Ralph Cifaretto: [Referring to his son's accident] oh no, actually I got some good news on Justin. They think it'll just be speech. Poor kid will have to learn how to talk all over again, and years of rehab
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: That's good
- Ralph Cifaretto: Walk and use his hands. Life goes on huh? One day at a time
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Lois said the horse was still alive. It was burnt so bad, they had to put it out of its misery
- Ralph Cifaretto: I don't even want to think about it
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: At this point, the fire Marshall said it looks "accidental."
- Ralph Cifaretto: What sick fuck would do something like that on purpose huh?
- Ralph Cifaretto: [while making breakfast eggs] you know I was telling Justin's mother sour cream is the secret ingredient
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Right, what sick fuck?
- Ralph Cifaretto: What?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It's funny about God, fate, and shit like that. The horse gets better and we take out two hundred grand insurance in the race coming up. Suddenly there's a fire
- Ralph Cifaretto: What're you saying? You think I had something to do with it?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I didn't
- Ralph Cifaretto: Anthony, what're you a horse investigator now? Come on, they said it was an accident, right?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You know what? Maybe I will have some eggs
- Ralph Cifaretto: Toast?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah. How's Corky Ianucci? You heard from him lately? You know Sil used him in the restaurant fire: excellent work
- Ralph Cifaretto: You know, I don't understand you Anthony. We got lucky. That accidental fire was a bolt from beyond. The horse was no fuckin good with the colic all the time, and the fuckin bills
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What're you talking about? She bounced back
- Ralph Cifaretto: This time, but each time it takes something out of him. It was all downhill from here. Now, I know it's tragic to think this way but you can't argue with the fuckin logic
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: [reading from index cards, helping Junior prepare to fake his mental competency to stand trial] first question: what is today's date?
- Junior Soprano: [before Bobby chuckles] a blonde with big tits and a hat full of Viagra
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: yeah, cute, fuck around: just when that government shrink gets ahold of you, you better know how to fake this
- Junior Soprano: I could do it in my sleep
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: oh, yeah? What's your name?
- Junior Soprano: [pretending not to know] my name?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You can't know your name because then they know your fuckin with them
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: listen to this: give the subject a piece of paper, ask them draw a circle, fold the paper in half, and give it back. These demented old bats can't do that
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: maybe you should wipe your ass with the paper, then they'll know you're a whack job?
- Junior Soprano: [angrily to Tony when Bobby laughs] you think this funny? I'm a source of amusement, I pretend to wipe my ass in front of people
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: [to Junior] nah, take it easy
- Junior Soprano: I lived my whole life with dignity, now I gotta pretend I'm a fuckin drooling idiot
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: this is just a good clean way out, that's all
- Junior Soprano: my poor fuckin brother Ercole: how they mocked him
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [referring to Ralph] Who got you those no-show jobs? And not a word of gratitude
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [sarcastically] e's a saint: You forget the thousand incidents with that guy?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [while showing the envelop of money Ralph gave him, referring to Ralph's son hospitalized after an accident] A kid in the hospital, just take a look on how he fuckin earns
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [referring to the prank phone call his mother received] I know it was that miserable prick that called ma at the home: they had to put her on Xanax just so she could sleep. She was in the hospital unit for nervous bowl syndrome
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Whatever "happened" there, "that" was fucked up
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [surprised, irritated by Tony's lack of concern] Fucked up?
- Christopher Moltisanti: You don't know it was him
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [gestures to Christopher] Listen to your friend here
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: And I'll promise you something else: on my old man's grave, I get proof it was him, he's a fuckin corpse
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Nobody's killing anybody
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: All due respect, there's a "line in the sand" when it comes to mothers
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You lay a hand on him, and your gonna answer to me: if you can quote the rules, you can fuckin obey them, you hear me?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [when he doesn't respond] Don't just look at me, this is a business: did you hear what I said?
- Rosalie Aprile: [while visiting Ralph's son Justin in the hospital] I didn't know if I should come
- Ralph Cifaretto: I'm just happy to see you
- Rosalie Aprile: How is he?
- Ralph Cifaretto: Not as good as yesterday
- Rosalie Aprile: How are you?
- Ralph Cifaretto: I just didn't understand what you were going through, I didn't know anything... I was stupid, I'm sorry, I apologize
- Rosalie Aprile: It's ok, I mean there's no way to know what it's like until it happens to you
- Ralph Cifaretto: You were so strong when Jackie Jr. passed away, I don't know how you did it
- Rosalie Aprile: [hugs him] Justin's gonna be alright: you'll see, his gonna be fine
- Dr. Sharon Zalutsky: [testing his competency and memory for the government] I'm going to say three words and I want you to repeat them: boat, flag, shirt
- Junior Soprano: Boat, shirt...
- Dr. Sharon Zalutsky: Let me give you a hint: we pledge allegiance to the...
- Junior Soprano: United States of America
- Dr. Sharon Zalutsky: Ok, let's move on. Who is the President of the United States?
- Junior Soprano: I'm tired, I wanna go to the bathroom
- Dr. Sharon Zalutsky: We're almost done, who is the President of the United States?
- Junior Soprano: George Bush
- Dr. Sharon Zalutsky: And who was the President before George Bush?
- Junior Soprano: John Kennedy, you know where I was when he was shot? I was getting a haircut
- Dr. Harrison Wong: [to Tony, referring to Junior and the mental state exam] He was disoriented when he came in and scored low on his Folstein but that's consistent with concussion
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [yells] We're gonna sue the God damn Justice Department
- Dr. Harrison Wong: CAT scan's negative, so far, so good
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: He didn't seem like himself
- Dr. Harrison Wong: Man his age could've been working on dementia for quite a while and the blow to the head tipped him over
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You mean like Alzheimer's?
- Dr. Harrison Wong: That's one form of it: that's why we want to keep him here to keep an eye on him. There's a good chance this can go away
- Carmela Soprano: [referring to Ralph's son Justin's medical status] His gonna be a "vegetable"
- Carmela Soprano: [after Carmela crosses herself, referring to Ralph's ex-wife and her current husband] At least they have a daughter, Ralph's all alone. I told him he should go talk to Father Intintola
- Rosalie Aprile: He should
- Carmela Soprano: He won't
- Carmela Soprano: [after seeing Artie from across the room] There's another one who should see a priest
- Rosalie Aprile: Is it true he took an overdose of sleeping pills?
- Carmela Soprano: Apparently, I also know he and Tony are on "the outs" but Tony's not talking
- Ralph Cifaretto: Pleased to meet you
- Father Phil Intintola: How are you doing?
- Ralph Cifaretto: I feel like such a hypocrite, I haven't been to church in years but we had a Mass for Justin's baptism, look at all the good it did
- Father Phil Intintola: Ralph...
- Ralph Cifaretto: See? What am I doing here?
- Father Phil Intintola: God understands. It's why in times like "these", His the only one we can turn to
- Ralph Cifaretto: God? My son's lying in a hospital: hooked up to a machine, he never did nothing to nobody
- Father Phil Intintola: Our Lord gave his only begotten son to suffer
- Ralph Cifaretto: Nothing compared to this
- Father Phil Intintola: Were you there when Jesus Christ's moment in doubt and pain? It's a great mystery to us: as why things happen as they do but God has a plan for all of us
- Ralph Cifaretto: I've done things in my life that I shouldn't have done: His making my son pay for it, that's why His punishing me
- Father Phil Intintola: God is merciful, He doesn't punish people
- Ralph Cifaretto: I would do anything if Justin could walk again
- Father Phil Intintola: Justin's in God's hands now and I assure you God loves him very much. Your job for you is to get yourself right with God, for yourself and for your son. Would you like to give a confession?
- Ralph Cifaretto: I think... I need a little more time to do a good one, when I'm ready
- Father Phil Intintola: I understand
- Ralph Cifaretto: Thank you
- Ralph Cifaretto: Can I come in?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [while in his office inside the Bada Bing strip club, referring to Ralphie's son's injury] Yeah, how is Justin? Any news?
- Ralph Cifaretto: It's the left side of the brain that affects speech: too soon to tell
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Well... sit down, go on, you want something to eat?
- Ralph Cifaretto: [before handing him an envelope filled with money] No, I just came by to give you this from that "thing"
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It could've waited
- Ralph Cifaretto: I had to smack that guy around this morning
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [while counting the money] Good
- Ralph Cifaretto: At least I'm good for something, how could I let something like this happen?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It could've... happened to anybody
- Ralph Cifaretto: You know where I was on his seventh birthday?
- Ralph Cifaretto: [when Tony doesn't respond] Florida: So high on coke, I forgot to call him, then I thought I did?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Well, you cut back on that shit, right?
- Ralph Cifaretto: [before crying] I'm a different man: my poor baby, my little boy
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after getting up and sits closer to him, referring to the medical bills] It's covered by the Sheetrock and Plaster Union, right?
- Ralph Cifaretto: His covered under his mother's insurance as far as that goes and I'll take care of the rest: whatever it takes... I don't care if it breaks me, get the best care there is
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Listen there's something, look, I don't want you to hear it from the "grapevine", especially now
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [when he doesn't respond] I'm seeing that girl you used to date, Valentina