SpongeBob SquarePants (TV Series)

Mermaidman and Barnacleboy III/Squirrel Jokes (2001)

John Rhys-Davies: Man Ray

Photos 

Quotes 

• ManRay : Excuse me sir, but I do believe you've dropped your wallet.

  Patrick : Doesn't look familiar to me.

  ManRay : What? I just saw you drop it. Here.

  Patrick : Nope, it's not mine.

  ManRay : It is yours. I am trying to be a good person and return it to you.

  Patrick : Return what to who?

  ManRay : [facepalms, then shows Patrick his ID]  Aren't you Patrick Star?

  Patrick : Yup.

  ManRay : And this is your ID.

  Patrick : Yup.

  ManRay : I found this ID in this wallet. And if that's the case, this must be your wallet.

  Patrick : That makes sense to me.

  ManRay : Then take it.

  Patrick : It's not my wallet.

  ManRay : [in anger and frustration]  You dim-bulb! Take back your wallet or I'll rip your arms off!

  [SpongeBob pushes the tickle button and Man Ray laughs] 

  SpongeBob SquarePants : No. Wrong. Good people don't rip other people's arms off!

• SpongeBob SquarePants : Okay, goodness lesson number two. You see someone struggling with a heavy package. What do you do?

  ManRay : Hello, friend. I noticed you were struggling with that package. Would you like some help with...

  [Patrick drops the package on ManRay's foot] 

  ManRay : Ow!

  Patrick : Oops, sorry. Can I start over?

  ManRay : I noticed you was...

  [Patrick drops the package again] 

  ManRay : OW!

  Patrick : Oops! Gotta start again.

  ManRay : Would...

  [Patrick drops the box again] 

  ManRay : OW!

  Patrick : Oops!

  ManRay : You butterfingered pink thing! What's in that box, anyhow?

  Patrick : My wallets.

  ManRay : [in a rage]  ARGH!

  [grabs Patrick's head] 

  Patrick : NO! SpongeBob, tickle him!

  [Man Ray slams Patrick into the ground repeatedly. SpongeBob presses the tickle button] 

  ManRay : [laughs from the belt]  It tickles, but it's worth it!

  [continues slamming Patrick into the ground, while still laughing] 

• SpongeBob : Alright, goodness lesson number three.

  [Patrick is shown angry and severely injured, sitting in a wheelchair] 

  SpongeBob : Uhh, let's see.

  [Patrick snatches away the remote to the tickle belt] 

  Patrick : I've got one! I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 100. What is it?

  ManRay : [genuinely confused]  Umm... 62?

  Patrick : Wrong!

  [pushes button to tickle ManRay] 

• ManRay : The belt is gone but I still feel its tickle. The urge to do bad is gone!

  [sighs, walks up to bank teller] 

  ManRay : I think I'll just open a checking account.

• ManRay : Fear not, SpongeBob. Your teachings have transformed me. Besides, I have checks with little poodles on them.

• ManRay : You mean, if I was good, then you'd let me go?

  SpongeBob : Yeah, sure, why not?

  ManRay : Then, uh, in that case... I am good.

  SpongeBob : Really?

  ManRay : Yes, really.

  SpongeBob : Really, really?

  ManRay : Yes, yes, really, really!

  SpongeBob : Really, really, really?

  ManRay : Yes, yes, already! I'm good! I'm good! Now let me out of here or you'll suffer dire consequences!

  SpongeBob : Well, that's good enough for me.

  [unfreezes ManRay] 

• [ManRay fakes crying so he can fool SpongeBob and Patrick] 

  ManRay : Oh, boohoo! Oh, sob! Oh, cry! Oh, woe is me! You don't know what it's like being evil for so long. Oh, how I wish to be... good. If only some kind heroes would show me the path to decency.

  SpongeBob : We could teach you how to be good and then we'll let you go!

  ManRay : [feigning being overjoyed]  Ahh, that would be fantastic!

  [chuckles; under his breath] 

  ManRay : I'll fake my way through this just like I did in high school.