Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (TV Series)

Body Parts (1996)

Armin Shimerman: Quark

Photos 

Quotes 

• [the diagnosis turns out to be false] 

  Quark : Do you know what that means, Rom?

  Rom : It means you're gonna live!

  Quark : [overjoyed]  It means I get to sue Dr. Orpax for malpractice!

• [last lines] 

  [the station's personnel is refurnishing Quark's empty bar] 

  Rom : Look at them, brother. And you thought you had no assets.

  Quark : Sisko? Dax? Bashir, Morn? The're my assets?

  Rom : To name a few.

  Quark : [starting to smile a little]  Yeah... I guess you're right.

  [Quark shutters; he is very grateful and touched by the though that he has friends after all, but is uncomfortable with the feeling. Yet, he can't shake it off] 

  Quark : Huh... I need a drink.

  [Quark walks over to the bar and tries to speak to the station personnel to express his thanks, but is speechless. He stands there, filled with gratitude as he holds a drinking glass to his heart] 

• [Brunt has come to claim Quark's dessicated remains, according to contract] 

  Quark : Maybe I wasn't clear: I'm not dying.

  Brunt : Maybe *I* wasn't clear: I don't care.

• Quark : Garak, let's talk about death!

• Quark : It took me my whole life, but I'm gonna die a winner!

• [Quark wakes up in the Divine Treasury - as it seems...] 

  Quark : I'm really dead!

  [Grand Nagus Gint appears] 

  Grand Nagus Gint : You're not just dead, Quark, you're an idiot!

  [cackles madly] 

• Quark : Take my assets, revoke my Ferengi business license, do whatever you have to do, then get out! And if I ever see you walk into my bar again...

  Brunt : Yes?

  Quark : [deadly serious]  ... you won't walk out.

• Quark : Captain, you can't do this! Not without paying a storage fee... a minimum storage fee, practically nothing.

  Captain Sisko : Send me the bill.

• Quark : I'm nobody - just some bartender with a domineering mother and an idiot brother.

• Quark : I'm a joke on Ferenginar - Starfleet's favorite bartender, the Synthehol King! What a legacy.

• [Quark has been diagnosed with the fatal Dorek Syndrome] 

  Quark : It strikes only one out of every five million Ferengi. I finally beat the odds!

• [Garak sneaks up behind a holographic Quark and breaks his neck] 

  Garak : How's that?

  Quark : Awful! Did you hear that sound of bone snapping? I don't want that to be the last thing I hear!

  Garak : It wasn't that loud.

  Quark : You don't have these ears. Snapping vertebrae is out!

  Garak : We're running out of options, Quark. You don't want to be vaporized because you need a body; the disrupter ruined your clothing, the knife was too savage, the nerve gas smelled bad, hanging took too long, and poison... What was was wrong with poison?

  Quark : It doesn't work! If I know the food is poisoned I won't eat it.

  [...] 

  Garak : For a man who wants to kill himself you're strangely determined to live.

  Quark : I'm going to die, don't you worry about that. I just want to find the right way.

  Garak : Right way?

  Quark : I don't want to see it coming. Or hear it. Or feel it or smell it. I just want to go on with my life and then...

  [snaps his fingers] 

  Quark : ...I'm dead!

  Garak : Ah!

  [snaps fingers too] 

  Garak : You want to be surprised!

  Quark : Exactly! I want to wake up in the Divine Treasury and have no idea how I got there.

  Garak : I see. Perhaps that can be arranged.

  Quark : Really?

  Garak : You have my word. You'll never know what hit you.

• Quark : What's the most important thing in my life?

  Garak : Business.

  Quark : [to Rom]  That's who I am. That's what I do, I'm a businessman, and more than that, I'm a Ferengi businessman. Do you know what that means? It means that I'm not exploiting and cheating people at random. I'm doing it according to a specific set of rules - the Rules of Acquisition. And I won't disregard them when I find them inconvenient.

  Rom : Inconvenient? You're going to die!

  Quark : Yes. And when I arrive at the gates of the Divine Treasury, the Registrar will accept my bribe and usher me inside; and do you know why? Because I died exactly the way I lived - as a Ferengi!

• Rom : They took everything?

  Quark : M-hm - including this shirt. I'm supposed to send it to Brunt in the morning.

  Rom : Don't worry. I have some old clothes I was gonna throw out.

  Quark : I'd rather be naked.

• Quark : I want to hire you, not as a tailor... as an assassin.

  Garak : I don't know what you're talking about.

  Quark : Yes, you do. You weren't always a tailor.

  Garak : You are right. I used to be a gardener.

• [Quark has just learned from Dr. Bashir that he is not going to die and that Dr. Orpax's evaluation of Quark's health is in error] 

  Quark : [to Rom]  Do you what this means, Rom?

  Rom : [happily]  It means you're gonna to live!

  Quark : [shouts; overjoyed]  It means I get to sue Dr. Orpax for malpractice!

  [gasps noisily in exhilaration] 

  Quark : [softly, still overflowing with joy]  And I'm gonna live.

• [a cheerful Quark enters the bar. He surprises Rom with a big hug] 

  Quark : [joyfully]  Rom! My brother! I'm glad to see you! let me pour you a snail juice.

  Rom : [pleasantly surprised by Quark's cheerful attitude]  Okay. But just one. My shift starts in thirty-three minutes.

  Quark : [pouring him a drink]  I'll make it a tall one, and it's on the house. We're celebrating.

  Rom : Celebrating? What?

  Quark : My return from two weeks on Ferenginar. Didn't you miss me?

  Rom : [unsure where this is going]  I suppose.

  Quark : And I missed you. That's two reasons for celebrating. Enjoy.

  [Quark hands Rom the drink] 

  Rom : Thanks.

  [Rom takes a sip] 

  Quark : Just the way you like it?

  Rom : [gleeful]  Perfect!

  [calmly] 

  Rom : So... How was your trip? Did you close the vole belly deal?

  Quark : The what? Oh yeah. Closed it on the first day. Fifteen percent profit margin.

  Rom : Great! Did you see Moogie?

  Quark : Mother's fine. She sends her love.

  Rom : What else did you do?

  Quark : Well let's see... Closed the deal. Told you that. Did some shopping. Made a pilgrimage to the Great Marketplace. And... Oh yes... I found out...

  [Quark's mood suddenly changes. He looks distressed about something] 

  Quark : [loud, distressed cry]  I'M DYING!

  [Everyone in the bar goes silent and stares at him in shock] 

  Quark : [turning around in his chair]  What are you all looking at? Haven't you ever seen a dying man before?

• Rom : [to Quark]  You're not a joke here. You're a respected businessman, a pillar of the community, a man with... many friends!

  Quark : [appalled]  *Friends*? *Community?* You sound like some sniveling hew-man!

• Quark : [to Rom]  You're a liar, but I love yah.

• [an obviously unenthusiastic Quark is watching a comlink screen surveying the bidding on his vaccum desiccated remains on the Ferengi Commerce exchange. Rom has popped by to look] 

  Rom : Did you get lots of bids?

  Quark : I wouldn't say lots.

  Rom : How many?

  Quark : [sighs ironically; picks up a remote like device]  Let me count... *one*.

  Rom : [optimistically]  Oh? Seventeen strips, three strips and five slips of latinum for the entire collection! It's a generous opening bid.

  Quark : [sourly]  It's an insultingly low offer.

  [Quark suddenly widens his eyes; mock surprise] 

  Quark : Oh... And it just happens to be the exact total of *your* life savings...

  [gasps mockingly] 

  Rom : [caught in the act; prentends to be surprised]  Oh? Ha, what a coincidence!

  Quark : [stands up; insulted]  Stop it! I don't want your charity!

  Rom : [defensively]  It's NOT charity!

  [wide, soulful eyes] 

  Rom : I wanted to have something to remember you by when you're gone.

  [Quark slams the remote-like device on the desk; defeated] 

  Quark : I *knew* this was a mistake.

  Rom : But Brother, you've got to give time. Your body's only on the exchange for...

  Quark : [snaps; interrupting]  OH, FORGET THE BIDDING!

  [shouts; upset] 

  Quark : *This* has ALL been a mistake! My Life! Coming here, putting up a bar on this Cardassian monstrosity of a station! WHAT WAS I THINKING?

• Grand Nagus Gint : [to Quark]  I'll make it simple, you have to break the contract with Brunt!

  Quark : [in disbelief]  You've got to be joking? You're Gint! You wrote the Rules of Acquisition, the sacred precepts upon which all Ferengi society is based! You, of all people, can't expect me to break them.

  Grand Nagus Gint : Why not? They're just rules! They're written in a book, not carved in stone. And if they *were* in stone... SO WHAT? A bunch of us just made them up!

  Quark : Are you saying they don't matter?

  Grand Nagus Gint : Of course they matter! That's why they're a best seller, but *we're* talking about *your life* here! The Rules are nothing more than guideposts, suggestions...

  Quark : Then *WHY* call them rules?

  Grand Nagus Gint : Would you want to buy a book called, "Suggestions of Acquisition"? Doesn't have the same ring to it, does it?

  Quark : [genuinely shocked]  You mean it was a marketing ploy?

  Grand Nagus Gint : Shh!

  [low voice] 

  Grand Nagus Gint : A brilliant one! Rule of Acquisition 239 - "Never be afraid to mislabel a product."

  [winks] 

• [a penniless Quark is sitting in the middle of his empty bar, Rom sits next to him] 

  Rom : How are you, brother?

  Quark : How am I? I'm broke, ruined, destitute, a pariah. How are things with you?

  Rom : Not bad.

  Quark : Glad to hear it.

• [In Quark's dream, Quark is being strangled by Brunt] 

  Quark : [raspy voice]  Rom! Gint! Whatever your name is, help me!

  Grand Nagus Gint : I can't help you Quark, it's only a dream. But if you want to live... Break the contract. It's your only hope.

  [Quark wakes up in his bedroom, his hand to his throat] 

  Quark : [relieved that it was all a dream]  I'm alive!

  [Reality sets in and Quark realizes what he needs to do to save himself] 

• [after Garak has agreed to kill him without him "knowing what hit him', a very nervous, terrified and hypervigilant Quark is walking around his quarters] 

  Quark : Garak! If you're in here... *I'm not gonna be surprised!*

• Quark : Bashir? How good can he be? He doesn't even charge.

• Quark : [Quark is sleeping and is awakened by incessant doorbell ringing; groggily and cantankerously]  I'm coming! I'm coming! I-I-I'm coming!