Jeff Goldblum: Lionel Whitney

Quotes 

• Lionel Whitney : Yes, yes, eh, Mr. Laws, please, this is against the law. Ehm, you used to be a policeman, surely you know that if you commit an assault you'll go to jail for it.

  Vernon Laws : Yeah, that's the nice thing about being old. Time becomes... real abstract. Most they're gonna get outta me is a year, maybe two.

• Lionel Whitney : [reading from a Mark Savage novel]  It's easier to French kiss an alligator then to try and run the traffic lights on Sunset without getting stopped.

• Lionel Whitney : I'm Colonel Arnold C. Wright, and this is Colonel Boyd Fuller, Airforce internal security Pentagon task Scab.

  Capt. Mathews : Whatever that is.

  Lionel Whitney : Scab is actually Security Clearance Actuary Background Investigation.

• Lionel Whitney : Look, I'm taking a crash course here, would you help me out? Give me your best guess.

  Vernon Laws : I gave you my best guess.

  Lionel Whitney : But I wasn't listening when you gave me your best guess, I never listen when you ramble on about this case.