- Lionel Whitney: Yes, yes, eh, Mr. Laws, please, this is against the law. Ehm, you used to be a policeman, surely you know that if you commit an assault you'll go to jail for it.
- Vernon Laws: Yeah, that's the nice thing about being old. Time becomes... real abstract. Most they're gonna get outta me is a year, maybe two.
- Lionel Whitney: [reading from a Mark Savage novel] It's easier to French kiss an alligator then to try and run the traffic lights on Sunset without getting stopped.
- Sgt. Bogart: Let me 'splain it to ya, Mr. Whitney. When you are dealing with your criminal element, they have a nasty habit of getting in little squables over what we police like to call 'the loot'. And when that happens, Mr. Whitney, sir, they often settle up by gunning themselves down in alleys.
- Sgt. Bogart: What about you, Jackson, you got a gun?
- E.L. 'Tenspeed' Turner: Not me, Jackson, I just dodge the bullets and dance at the funerals.
- Sgt. Bogart: I love a smart mouth.
- E.L. 'Tenspeed' Turner: Well, I'm glad it works for ya.
- Lionel Whitney: I'm Colonel Arnold C. Wright, and this is Colonel Boyd Fuller, Airforce internal security Pentagon task Scab.
- Capt. Mathews: Whatever that is.
- Lionel Whitney: Scab is actually Security Clearance Actuary Background Investigation.
- Lionel Whitney: Look, I'm taking a crash course here, would you help me out? Give me your best guess.
- Vernon Laws: I gave you my best guess.
- Lionel Whitney: But I wasn't listening when you gave me your best guess, I never listen when you ramble on about this case.