- Reginald "Red" Forman: Eric, I love your grandmother very, very much. I just can't talk to her or spend any time with her.
- [to Jackie and Kelso]
- Donna Pinciotti: Finally. Where have you guys been?
- Michael Kelso: We had to look for the paper, and eat, and then some stuff happened. You know.
- Eric Forman: Your shirt's on inside out.
- Michael Kelso: Yeah, that's the stuff.
- Pastor: Please stand for a moment of silent meditation.
- [we then hear each family member's silent prayer]
- Kitty Forman: [she has just quit smoking] Dear God, thank you so much for helping me quit such a filthy, disgusting... soothing, delicious habit. Oh, God, I can't do this. No, no, I'm fine. Amen.
- Bernice Forman: Dear God, what's with all the Polacks?
- Eric Forman: Dear God, I don't mean to bother you on your day off, but I promised to help out with Grandma, and I have a term paper due tomorrow, so if you could either get her to leave early today or burn down the school tomorrow. I mean, either-or. God's choice. It'd really help me out, man... God... Lord... uh, Amen.
- Reginald "Red" Forman: Dear Lord, would it kill ya to give the Packers a winning season? Amen. Oh, and, uh, watch over my loving family, blah, blah, blah.
- Donna Pinciotti: What's the assignment?
- Eric Forman: All right: "In 1,000 words, describe the three branches of the United States government and their functions". I'll never make it.
- Steven Hyde: [Jackie says she has a paper on the subject she did last year, so she leaves to get it] Hey, what do I need Jackie for, man? I know more about this stuff than she does. The three true branches of the government are military, corporate and Hollywood.
- Steven Hyde: [Kelso, having just been pleasantly assaulted by Jackie, returns and takes off his shirt, revealing a hickey] She Hoovered your chest, man!