Johnny Carson: Self - Host

Quotes 

• Doc Severinsen : [on a failed comedy bit]  That demonstrates your greatness, right there.

  Johnny Carson : Oh? What's that?

  Doc Severinsen : Well, most guys would've quit halfway through that.

• Johnny Carson : [on Doc's leather jacket]  You gonna go out and have a knife fight tonight?

  Doc Severinsen : No, this - this is my Fire Island bowling jacket.

• Jack Benny : In London, there was that big scandal with a lot of great personalities, and...

  Johnny Carson : A couple of lords were involved, too.

  Jack Benny : Couple of lords. And a few call girls, you see... We could have used - we could have used a couple at Watergate.

• Jack Benny : [on his old movies being seen in France]  That's the only way they know me; nobody knows, not - your shows haven't been there?

  Johnny Carson : No, they wouldn't know me. I've been...

  Jack Benny : Well, of course. If they don't know me, they certainly wouldn't know you!

• Jack Benny : That's what women are for, is to spend money.

  Johnny Carson : Yeah.

  Jack Benny : And as long as I...

  Johnny Carson : [looking forlorn during laughter]  ... That's certainly true. I've done it different ways than you have, but, uh...

• Joe Namath : I've never known enough about politics, uh, to the degree to help somebody, to work with somebody or support someone. I've talked to people over the years - bein' in New York, you know - with the mayor's campaigns and, uh, in Alabama. I spent a lot of time in Alabama - I know George Wallace is a tremendous man - but, uh... politics I don't know enough about. When you stand with someone, then you're opposing someone.

  Johnny Carson : Yeah - that's the unfortunate thing about...

  Joe Namath : On the other side of it, you know, if you don't know what you're opposing or what their stand is, you can't do it - I don't think you can.

• Doc Severinsen : [after chewing tobacco for several minutes]  There's another thing I forgot to tell you about this stuff: It has a highly cathartic effect. Goodbye.

  Johnny Carson : Well - tomorrow night, a whole new contest!