Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

Smell the Umbrella Stand (2005)

Jon Cryer: Alan Harper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Alan Harper : [discussing his upcoming colonoscopy]  So, I'm really nervous about it.

  Judith Harper : [irritated]  That's it?

  Alan Harper : Well, it's a long snakey thing with a camera!

  Judith Harper : Oh, please! Your son was ten pounds at birth and his head was the same size it is now!

• Alan Harper : [taken aback by Charlie's critique of the loud shirt he wants to wear to Las Vegas]  Should I change?

  Charlie Harper : You should, but after all these years, I doubt you will.

• Alan Harper : Do you really want to drive five hours through the desert with a puking kid in the back of your new Mercedes?

  Charlie Harper : He can stick his head out the window and let the guy behind us worry about it!