Nikki Cox: Tiffany Malloy

Quotes 

• Barry : [after she has made her grand entrance into school cafeteria]  Tiffany, your chair is ready.

  [pulling it out for her] 

  Tiffany Malloy : [the Queen Bee takes her seat]  The year may now begin.

  all the other students : Hail, Tiffany!

• Chelsea : [envious at sight of stunner Sable making grand entrance into cafeteria, dramatic cascade of blond tresses]  Who's that?

  Barry : That must be the new girl.

  Chelsea : How come all the new girls gotta look like that?

  Ryan Malloy : Well, a lot of new girls don't, but nobody notices them.

  Tiffany Malloy : [wistfully]  Look at her, flouncing around with those tight, skimpy little clothes... That's my job... I sense trouble.

  Ryan Malloy : All right, we'll see how dangerous she is. Somebody give me a quarter.

  [Barry does, and Ryan nonchalantly ambles over to his blond target, whistling as he approaches the girl in the short black dress who is very intently showing off her devastatingly long legs, but looking away in unattainable way] 

  Chelsea : [breathlessly]  She is so pretty.

  Tiffany Malloy : [worriedly anxious]  She's pretty? She's pretty? You're sitting at my table, you're supposed to be my friends!

  [breaking:] 

  Tiffany Malloy : All I'm looking for is a little support from my table!

  Barry : Oh, we love you, you're great, honey!

  [with Chelsea echoing this sentiment, mouthing a sycophantic kiss] 

  Tiffany Malloy : [pacified]  Now, Barry, I'll need some information.

  Barry : I'll go see what's coming out of the tom-toms.

  [rushes over to the next table] 

  Barry : Tom! Tom!

  [quick conversation with two informed boys each named Tom, then scurrying back to Tiffany] 

  Barry : That's Sable O'Brien, her Dad's a superstar, he's in jail for embezzling millions!

  Tiffany Malloy : [mulling this over, talking to herself]  She's tall, she's blond, she's got a jail-bird for a father, with my luck, her mother's a cripple.

  [eyes new girl warily] 

  Sable O'Brien : Excuse me?

  [speaking down to Ryan, who is 'searching for his lost quarter' up close to her smooth, sleek legs] 

  Sable O'Brien : Excuse me?

  [gets up, smiling] 

  Sable O'Brien : You remind me of my dog Pookie!

  [scratching Ryan, to his delight, who acts like happy dog] 

  Sable O'Brien : What a good boy! Yeah, good boy!

  [Tiffany comes over] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Hi!

  Sable O'Brien : [to dog-boy Ryan]  Sit!

  Tiffany Malloy : As the most popular girl in school, I would like to welcome you.

  Sable O'Brien : [smiling]  Thank you. But I'm not the most popular girl in school... yet!

  Ryan Malloy : [imitating cat, heralding impending cat-fights]  R-owr! R-owr!

• Tiffany Malloy : Mom, have you ever been around somebody so perfect it makes you sick?

  Jennie Malloy : Why yes, I have. But you get three meals a day anyway, don't you?

  [pats empty seat next to her on couch] 

  Jennie Malloy : Oh, come on, sweetheart, sit down and tell Mommy all the painful details. Maybe I can help. I was a girl once.

  [gets incredulous look] 

  Jennie Malloy : I really was.

  Tiffany Malloy : There's this new girl at school, and she's smart, and she's beautiful, and she's got a crook for a father.

  Jennie Malloy : Chelsea Clinton?

  Tiffany Malloy : I said her father, not her mother.

  [sighs] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Mom, I've always been the class president, the valedictorian, the prom queen, and I mean I know I'll still be all those things, it's just that now I'll have to...

  [almost sobbing:] 

  Tiffany Malloy : try!

• Ryan Malloy : [to Sable]  Tiffany's coming! She's looking for you!

  [Tiffany appears, and to the theme of 'The Good, The Bad & The Ugly' and tumbling tumbleweeds in homeroom, the girls circle each other, hands darting to their handbags like gunslingers eagerly awaiting the draw] 

  Sable O'Brien : What do you want?

  Tiffany Malloy : You registered at this school, or just passing through?

  Sable O'Brien : Now what makes it your bee's-wax? You run this place?

  Tiffany Malloy : Yup, and I run it my way. By the way, nice dress.

  Sable O'Brien : I'd lend it to you, except... it would come back with the butt all stretched out.

  Tiffany Malloy : [scoffs]  I think you've got your backs and fronts all mixed up.

  Sable O'Brien : [it comes to the gun draw]  Make your move...

  [they both go for lipstick, and try to outdo each other] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Ooh, is that gloss or frost?

  Sable O'Brien : Oh, it's actually a frosted liner over primer.

  Tiffany Malloy : Ooh, don't you find that new Golden Frost is so much warmer than that old Shimmer...

  Sable O'Brien : Ooh, definitely, I've got the polish on my toes.

  Tiffany Malloy : That's so wise, frost doesn't chip like that old Wet Look thing.

  Sable O'Brien : Do you powder your lashes before mascara?

  Tiffany Malloy : Oh yeah, since I was three.

  [recognizing kindred spirit:] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Look, it's silly for us to fight. This school is big enough for the both of us. A Size 3 is big enough for the both of us.

• Sable O'Brien : [having just read Tiffany's secret]  When you were little, your mother potty-trained you to the song 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,' and now every time you hear 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,' you have to tinkle?

  [mischievous intent apparent] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Okay, Missy, let's see what dark secret you've been hiding.

  [reads paper, grins] 

  Tiffany Malloy : You were alone with Bill Clinton in a hotel room, and he didn't make a pass at you?

  [grins] 

  Sable O'Brien : I don't understand it. He left me to be with his wife. I mean, I... I can understand it if Air Force One landed with a bucket of chicken, but for that old woman?

  Tiffany Malloy : Oh, you poor thing. Come here...

  [Sable gets a warm hug] 

  Tiffany Malloy : I'm sure Ted Kennedy would have given you a tumble.

• Sable O'Brien : You know, it's not over between us. I've got a thousand short dresses and a thousand plans and a deal for seven out of thirteen episodes. This is just the beginning.

  Tiffany Malloy : [smiling confidently]  Okay, you know where to find me. I'll be here with my friends...

  [sits down, reclaiming her rightful place] 

  Tiffany Malloy : in my chair.

  [Sable storms off, and Tiffany gives beaming smile at her friends]