The Vicar of Dibley (TV Series)

Spring (1999)

Dawn French: Geraldine Granger

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bishop of Mulberry : Do you, Boadicea Geraldine Granger...

  Jim Trott : Did he say "Boadicea"?

  Bishop of Mulberry : take this man, David Francis Matthew Horton, to be your lawful wedded husband?

  Geraldine Granger : Um... um... um...

  Sean Bean : NO! Don't do it, Geraldine! It's me you love, not him.

• Geraldine Granger : Now, remember that God is a father, very much like your own father.

  Alice Horton : So he's drunk from dusk till dawn?

  Geraldine Granger : No, well, probably a bit more like Hugo's father, then.

  Hugo Horton : Shouting a lot? Telling me I'm a cretin?

• [last lines] 

  Geraldine Granger : So, Superman is feeling a bit bored because Spiderman and Batman are on a scuba diving course.

  Alice Horton : Oh, shame.

  Geraldine Granger : So, he's flying around, and suddenly, he sees Wonder Woman naked, spread-eagled on the top of a tall building.

  Alice Horton : She'll catch cold.

  Geraldine Granger : No, no, it's summer - summer.

  Alice Horton : Well, thank goodness for that.

  Geraldine Granger : Yeah. So, he's always fancied Wonder Woman, so he thinks, "now's my chance!", and he swoops down and faster than a speeding bullet, does his business, and then he flies off, again. Moment later, Wonder says "What was that?", and The Invisible Man climbs off her and says "I don't know, but it hurt a lot!" I know it's rude, but it's very funny.

  Alice Horton : I don't get it.

  Geraldine Granger : No, I didn't expect that you would.

  Alice Horton : Well, you seem to be suggesting that Superman committed homosexual rape upon The Invisible Man. I just don't find that funny.

  Geraldine Granger : Right.

  Alice Horton : In fact, you're besmirching the reputation of two of the finest superheroes this world has ever known. I mean, I've never actually met them. Well, I might have met The Invisible Man - I wouldn't know - he's invisible. I've heard that they are both really nice guys. And frankly, I think you should be ashamed of yourself. Goodbye, Vicar.

  Geraldine Granger : [after Alice walks out]  Prude!

• Alice Horton : Have you done a smelly, Geraldine?

  Geraldine Granger : [Indignantly]  No I have not, thank you! I think I'd know!

  Alice Horton : I think you have, you naughty little whipper!

  Geraldine Granger : No, I have...

  [Realises that she means the baby] 

  Geraldine Granger : Oh right. Sorry.

• David Horton : I've come round to discuss the christening, Vicar. Any final decisions on the baby's names?

  Geraldine Granger : Oh, Alice?

  Alice Horton : Yes. Erm, we've finally decided, er... Geraldine Wendy Nana Peter Pan Tinkerbell Tiger Lily Captain Hook Crocodile Horton.

  Geraldine Granger : That's great. Or, what about Geraldine Pooh Piglet Kanga Eeyore Tigger Horton?

  Alice Horton : Don't be so childish, Geraldine.

• David Horton : The simple truth is, all this nonsense aside... I love you.

  [Geraldine sounds like she is about to cry] 

  Geraldine Granger : Alright then.

  Hugo Horton : Mummy!

  [Throws his arms round Geraldine's neck] 

  Hugo Horton : At last!

  Geraldine Granger : [Muffled]  Get off, Hugo! I can't breathe, get off!

• Geraldine Granger : You can't deny it, David. You are a bit mean.

  David Horton : Mean?

  Geraldine Granger : Yes. You see a beggar on the street. What do you give him?

  David Horton : I give him a kick.

• Geraldine Granger : If ever I was to marry, Id' like somebody to woo me properly. You know, propose to me on one knee. Not just pop 'round one evening to check if a deal was possible.

• Geraldine Granger : How are you doing with the breast-feeding then Alice?

  Alice Horton : It was a bit tricky at first, but then the health visitor explained that I didn't actually have to eat grass like the cows do.