Wagon Train (TV Series)

The Hector Heatherton Story (1964)

Michael Burns: Barnaby West

Photos 

Quotes 

• Barnaby West : Let's get this thing over with.

  Charlie Wooster : Don't rush me, boy, don't rush me. Can't you see my mind is working? I told you I been studying nature. I been taking notes on how birds fly and how they think. Well, as good as vultures and eagles fly. You know yourself, don't yer, they're kinda clumsy on the ground, don't yer? Well, stand back and give me plenty of room. I'm gonna take a running start at this.

• Charlie Wooster : You mean henpecked Hector the mouse.

  Barnaby West : If you knew him you'd know you wouldn't call him a mouse.

  Charlie Wooster : His wife wears the pants in that family, don't she?

  Barnaby West : He's got eight kids.

  Charlie Wooster : Yeah, seven girls. That proves my point.

• Hector Heatherton : Did he tell you of my invention of my razor contraption that's impossible for you to cut yourself? I call it the safety razor.

  Charlie Wooster : You mean you could shave yourself without cutting yourself?

  Hector Heatherton : Yeah.

  Charlie Wooster : I can't see it myself.

  Hector Heatherton : I got it all worked out in theory. All I need is a few dollars for tuning up. And believe me, there's a fortune in it.

  Barnaby West : Well, Charlie isn't interested in shaving, are you, Charlie?

  Charlie Wooster : But a lot of people are.

• Heather Heatherton : You swear you don't have a girlfriend back home?

  Barnaby West : Oh no, I swear. I don't even have a back home.

  Heather Heatherton : Then who are you writing that letter to?

• Barnaby West : I got all kinds of trouble with Heather Heatherton. That's what I got. Just because a man gives into home cooking once doesn't mean he has honourable intentions, does it?

• Bill Hawks : You know, Charlie, never try to take a Portuguese fisherman out of his equipment

  [bamboo rods for salmon fishing] 

  Bill Hawks : . You know what he told me? That his father brought those bamboo poles all the way from the Azores. Said they're a family heirloom.

  Barnaby West : Well, now you get it from him.

  Bill Hawks : MONEY! He won't have to fish any more after the deal he made with me. He can retire.

• Barnaby West : You don't seem very excited considering.

  Hector Heatherton : My wife knows like a hound dog when I get excited.

  Barnaby West : She does?

  Hector Heatherton : We better get distance between her and me. She picks up vibrations. She has a sixth sense.

  Barnaby West : She couldn't know what I'm thinking, could she?

  Hector Heatherton : All women know what all men are thinking.