- [first lines]
- Jane: Oh, Harvey! You've been out all night. I've been worried out of my mind! Called the hospitals, the police, the air-sea rescue; where have you been?
- Harvey Bains: Hunt Ball.
- Jane: To what?
- Harvey Bains: Been to the Hunt Ball with the posh people, Jane.
- Jane: What's that on your face? Oh my God, it's lipstick! You were attacked.
- [trying to rub it off]
- Jane: Here.
- Harvey Bains: No, no, ju, ju, get off, Jane. I never intend to wash this spot again.
- [he walks off]
- Jane: It must have been a woman!
- Harvey Bains: [to Basil] Sit. And stay. If you don't stop harassing the female residents, I'll take you down to the vet, and I'll have you *done*.
- Tom: You're foreign, aren't you?
- Lucy Maitland: What?
- Tom: And your work permit has run out. And the police are after you, and that's why you want to marry an Englishman.
- Lucy Maitland: My family's been living in this area since the Norman Conquest, 1066.
- Tom: Nine hundred years without a work permit! I know all about you Normans, coming over here and taking jobs from hard-working Anglo-Saxons. Oh, why couldn't he have met a healthy Essex girl? Oh, shame and ruin on our family!
- Lucy Maitland: Is he all right?
- Diana: Not for a second.
- Harvey Bains: Jane, you're touching me.
- Jane: I know, Harvey. From now on I'll be touching you all the time.