Michael Bilton: Basil Makepeace

Quotes 

• Tom : I just want to know where I'll be should push comes to shove.

  Basil : Flat on your back, knowing Diana.

  Tom : It's my place; I pay all the bills; I must have some rights.

  Basil : Not any more. She's your common wife now.

  Tom : Common law wife, I think you mean.

  Basil : I know what I mean. Dreadful screaming, banshee woman.

  Tom : Ha. What's she done now? Been writing health warnings on your condoms again?