Waiting for God (TV Series)

The Hip Operation (1991)

Graham Crowden: Tom

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Harvey Bains : Come along, folk; panto time.

  Female Resident : Panto time? It's July.

  Harvey Bains : Be December by the time you get there.

  Diana : And the runners are all lined up. They are under starter's orders for this year's Derby.

  Tom : Diana, you really are unspeakable!

  Diana : Well, that's my job: Diana Trent, unspeakable swine, by appointment.

  Tom : You shouldn't mock the afflicted.

  Diana : Yes, of course you should. They can't fight back. You're onto a winning ticket mocking the afflicted.

  [yells] 

  Diana : Come on, Millie, cut him off at the corner.

  Tom : You can't tempt fate like that, you know. It'll get *you* in the end.

  Diana : Oh, not a chance. The day I lay hand to walking frame will be the day I pull the plug on myself.

• Marion : It's Diana. She's had a fall.

  Tom : How is she?

  Marion : Swearing the place down.

  Tom : Thank God, she's all right.

• Tom : [entering Diana's hospital room]  What happened?

  Jane : She slipped and fell on her hip. She was trying to throw a brick at the gardener.

  Tom : How did you find her?

  Jane : Well, she was very, uh... vocal. The people in the next village complained.

• Diana : Tom, will you tell this Celtic dimwit that I do not want a new hip. Hip replacements are for the old and the infirm.

  Tom : She says she thanks you very much and would love a new hip and... will you vent her spleen while you're at it?

  David Davis : My pleasure.